It's been a long time i found myself feeling so helpless. The monsoon rain has started gathering momentum in the past days, now an umbrella is considered fashionable to others except me. I've never really fancied holding anything else besides my phone while stepping out, too much of a load for me. Anyways, I never seem to react and fall I'll of many conditions easily except the cold.
Few seconds into a downpour and I'm already sneezing my guts out, teeth's gritting with a running nose. Being sick on these days has always got me looking like a malfunctioning terminator tossed about by a lame mongrel. And now, in reminiscent of my previous experience my blood cum dey rise.
It was late in April, I was about rounding up my one year of compulsory service as a Nigerian Youth Service Corp NYSC member. A colleague was celebrating his birthday and I was organizing everything drinks, foods, chics and entertainment. Oscar was to be the Disc Jockey on the turn table, and Malik was to secure the poolside of DE CURRENCY HOTEL which was the new buzzing joint.
Henry had left all of this to us because he was sure we were going to give him the show of his life, no arguments!!! Social night in camp got our names on the lips of all them gurls. Like the twin musical brothers P-Square you could be standing with your girl and she's openly professing love. Only, not to you. (Na small remain dem for faint join too).
Well, on the D-day everything was going smoothly according to plan. While we waited for 6pm to ding on after checking to see that all had been taken care of, the first bottle of Chelsea dry gin was hitting bottom, and we were just getting warmed up as we planned hit the alcohol head on much later maybe in the after party with stri....
"Oh my God!!!" I yelled out.
"What!!!" The trio with me all inquired almost at once.
"The strippers, we haven't booked the strippers. What's an after party without strippers?"
I could see their gaze widening as the news sunk. Immediately, Oscar reached for his phone and started punching in.
"What are you doing?" Malik asked.
"Saving our reputation" Oscar retorted. "I just ordered an Uber, we need to round this up". He said getting up and heading into his bedroom. We had convened at Oscars for lunch.
A quick look into my phone and it was 3pm already, the main event starts at 6. How did we miss this? I blurted out and got no response. Its been 10 mins since Oscar ordered our ride but somehow we were all growing impatient.
15 minutes later, i was about to reel out another questionnaire when we heard the car honk. It was a wined colored 2012 Toyota Camry XLE.
"Good job bro, good job". I saw Malik patting Oscar's back.
Just about to pull the door handle, the driver's door opened and the driver stepped out. The most smoking, hot averaged height plus sized model I have ever seen in all social media and TV.
She had the right curves in the right places and as she wiggled towards the bonnet I could feel my heart beat in rhythm to every step she took. She turned to open the engine and as if noticing my presence for the first time, she glanced towards me and I felt the heavens opening and a beam of light showering above her. I was further drawn to her saucer like eyes with dainty nose and her lips, gosh!!! Those lips got me gulping dry air.
Am I in heaven?
This feels like I was in the presence of a celestial being.
O lord hast thou sent thine angel to take me? I am ready, for this one take me already. I arched my head backwards, eyes closed and was lifting my hands up...
Bang!!!
The sound of the automobile motorcar cowl jammed back in brought me to life.
I looked over the car hood to access the level of mockery I had made of myself by allowing an Uber driver have such an effect on me and to my surprise... I was the lucky one to get into that trans with mouth closed. Malik, I could have sworn I spotted tears gathering in his gazing eyes. And Oscar, well let's just say he was a sight.
Our captor knew the effect of the aura she had about her but seemed in some sort of hurry to bask any longer in the Euphoria of her accomplishments. However, she couldn't help but let out a slight grin as she hopped back into the steering.
We started for our journey to the Hotel Le Méridan in search for a chance to book our strippers in such short a time to the birthday bash. The only thing cutting through the air conditioned space was the revving of the engine. For a company of 4, It was silent, too silent.
How can this be, a whole me?
Ola get a grip of yourself, I said to myself. I need to salvage this situation, there's no way I'd allow some total stranger hypnotize my boys this way and get away with the feeling of victory.
Its time for retribution.
"A male beautician is usually expensive and rare too, it must have cost an arm to make this order. Oscar". I just had to say something, anything to break the silence caused by the volume of embarrassment hanging around our necks.
"Huh? Ummm, yea. I mean no. It was same regular price". Replied Oscar, still shaken.
_"I... I didn't know I was ordering a female driver". He finally found some confidence behind his voice.
"And if you did?"
Everywhere was stand still again as if we were trying to decipher an encrypted message by looking at ourselves. She spoke. Our captor has decided to bless us with her voice.
I cannot thank 
I wish 
I am proud to be 
