INNER ENEMY
When compliments are thrown at me I duck beneath
them, afraid that if one hit me I might, for a
split second feel good about myself.
A relationship where I have no control over my
feelings or any desire to have so, hanging on
with both hands because when she leaves not even God
knows when the next will come along.
They don’t see me for who I am because I do not see
myself. She doesn’t know me because I do not yet know
myself – or do I fear the answer.
Because maybe there is some good in me beyond my skin
over which I have no control. Don’t give me credit or
assume I am confident as a result of a shell that I
deeply resent…
That I would break in a second if given the hammer but
I could not; for it is not my family and friends I wish
to hurt, it is myself and therein lies the problem.
There exists the turmoil, the hate and sometimes the
fear; of the future and the past – the accomplishments
and the many failures controlled by the Inner Enemy who
continues to grow each day with the speed and scope of an
avalanche.
Wiping out all thoughts of success, drowning all beliefs
that there may be somebody somewhere who doesn’t hate me
as much as I hate myself.
Do I dare raise my hand and risk the chance of love?
What a foolish question…he remains undefeated.
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© Doghaus
3 September 2017
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Honestly,
Doghaus