Hey, how are you doing?

So, if anybody asks me this question, I'll probably give you an answer such as: Fine, Okay or yeah I'm good, how are you?

But actually, I'm not fine, okay or good at all.
I'm dealing with some mental problems over here. My thoughts seem to stack up until the point the stack tips over and release them into my brain like the shadows of Dr. Facilier.

I want to get this done, that done, go to bed at regular times, work out (Damn, I have to go train for that 21K), schoolwork, keep the house clean and I want to do it all at the same time preferably so I have time left to do things I really want to do.

And I know, one thing at the time, take care of yourself, try to meditate and get your thoughts straight, workout to empty your head. But it is easier to say than to execute really!

And all of this is so exhausting to the point I have days where I can't even seem to gather the energy to get up from the sofa. How else do you think I managed to watch 10 seasons of Friends within 4 weeks!

I have had it up to infinity and beyond

I am currently working on improving my mental health. I try to get my daily doses of sleep. Eat at regular times (although my dinners tend to fluctuate a lot). And also try to do a small workout (even a light one) every day. Talk to a psychologist about my stuff and throw it all on the table.

And that is exhausting too!

But as we sometimes have to accept, it has to become a mess before something gets tidy, and boy am I a mess!

The mask

To go through my days without showing too much of my mess-ness -hihi-, I create myself a mask. But the worst thing about the mask is that you are very aware of the fact you're wearing it and always tend to think others will see that you are wearing it.

I do not want to wear the mask, but in a society where we are basically pushed into happiness, it will come across as strange if you don't look happy or content with yourself. Why aren't we allowed to have our shitty days, without people coming up to you saying you have to smile or otherwise you look like shit? And don't get me wrong here, I give zero fucks about the way I look.

Well okay maybe one fuck, but that's just for me because when I have the feeling I look good, I sort of automatically feel good. But then that shitty mind of mine starts to think I have overdone myself, I have put on too much makeup, I overdressed for a school day etc. Why do I even care? I don't know, but my mind seems to care a lot.

As I said above, yes I go to a psychologist and while some people are ashamed of that, I am not. Some humans think that seeing a psych means that you must crazy or twisted in the mind or something. - Yes, maybe I am a little crazy, but in a good way.- It is nice to talk to someone who doesn't know anything about you and just focusses on you and your (over)thinking ability. Not having to wear that mask, because you know she (or he) can help you break down your mask piece by piece to a point where you won't have to wear it anymore.

Enough with the depressing talk

Well, you have to deal with it today, because that's all I wanted to share with you guys. Everything (most of it), out in the open, with the mask lying next to me on the desk, ready to wear tomorrow morning.

I am going to take a hot shower, maybe do some meditation while I am at it, and get ready to go to bed. And hopefully, have some magical sleep and magical dreams. So, I am going to leave you to it, with your own thoughts.

May you wish upon a star, let those dreams come true and always have a magical day!

Don't forget!
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