All things being considered, it was great until it wasn't. Like most people in the comedy community, I don't go on a lot of dates mostly because I'm what most people will call an introvert, I find my bed a better conversationist than most people.
Sure talking to my bed seems a bit crazy but it beats talking to humans and the best part is it never talks back when I yell at it.
I managed to pull myself together that evening because a guy invited me on a date and my brother was going to tell my parents I was a lesbian. I wore my clothes and headed to the park to see my date. It wasn't anything special, I just decided I needed to leave my safe space and the guy I was meeting wasn't that bad.
We met and we talked for a while. Hunger started to set in and he suggested we go to a nearby restaurant to eat and continue talking, the bill was on him. Normally I don't like eating outside but I was on a date, I needed to be on my best behavior.
He wasn't too short, let's just say my expectations were taller than him. We get to the restaurant and order for food while he talked about himself throughout. A clear indication of a red flag, not him but the guy holding up an arsenal flag behind him.
He finally let us have a normal conversation, that's when I realized he was a Chelsea fan and that was a big no for me. You can tell a lot about a guy's taste from his football club and Chelsea is better off as an alcohol drink if we're being honest.
After eating, the bill came and he didn't have enough cash to pay. The date was going bad already, I just wanted to get out of there. I offered to pay and he immediately agreed. I'm not saying that was bad but he could have at least hesitated a little to show he was concerned.
We left the restaurant and I immediately wanted to go home, he offered to walk me to the junction and I agreed, I was getting rid of him soon anyways.
Just before we get to the junction, he goes,
"I have a way to get your money back".
I asked him how and he pointed at a betting shop close by. I don't bet so I knew nothing about it but he sounded confident, plus, he wasn't going to use his own money to bet.
This is how the devil works, he pulls you in and when he knows you're deep in it, he strikes.
We get there and he plays the first game. To my surprise, he won, doubling the money. He went another round and won again. I started to believe him at this point. He walked up to me and handed me back the money I paid for the food. I should have left there but I used to make poor life choices.
He told me he could still double it again and because he had done it twice, I handed him the money back. That's when the devil pulled away.
I watched his smile turn upside down. This is how the conversation went.
Me: What happened?
Him: Give me a minute, I'm calculating something.
Me: calculating what? What happened to the money.
Him: I made one small mistake.
Me: okay, what does that mean?
Him: the money is gone but I won't make that mistake again.
I don't know what he meant by again because I was done.
So much for a confidence boost. I was about to leave when he said he didn't have any money with him to get him back home. The only money I had was my transport. He said we could double it and he'd have enough cash to go home. I agreed and gave him my transport, that one vanished too.
To make matters worse, I wasn't with my ATM card and my bank app was having issues so I was stranded.
After trying the bank app, I finally was able to transfer to a nearby POS. He followed me and told me he felt bad for losing my money. He said he wanted to make it up to me, his club's match was starting and he was sure we'd make all the money we lost back. All I just needed to do was give him the money with me and I needed to wait 90minutes for the match to end and we'll be back where we started.
He was very confident and still didn't have transport so I pitied him and gave him the money. He said the higher the stake the higher the reward.
I thought about watching the match as just an extension of my date. First half was almost ending and the other team was already leading Chelsea with 4 goals, he could not even look me in the eye when I asked what would happen to the bet we placed. I just carried myself peaceful and walked home. I reached my house after 30 minutes and went straight to my room to cuddle my pillow and count my losses.
After an hour, I heard my brother discussing with my dad about the match. I asked them for the score and they told me that match ended 6 - 4 with Chelsea winning the match.
I rushed to my room immediately to call him and ask for my money. My text weren't double ticking on WhatsApp so I called him instead, that's when I realized he blocked me.
I learnt a valuable lesson that day,
Never go out with a Chelsea fan.
This post is a submission to the Paritae blogging competition "Dating Chronicles". Be free to join and share your own experiences.
