I know it sounds crazy to announce that I am moving out again. To another adventure. To the brighter side of life. Okay, I am just feeling positive today. All I want is to be somewhere safe. Somewhere peaceful. Anywhere but here. My Gawd, I can't remember anymore how many times I've posted about moving out. Do you even remember? I just have so many reasons why things just don't work out for me. Oh, this place was noisy, the other place was unsafe, this place was expensive and so on. The dogs, the rooters, the kids, the nosy neighbors, the Karen landlady, aarrgh! I am getting crazy. The quality of life I'm chasing seems forever elusive.
Oh well, such is life.
But, after all that I've been through, I realized that finding that place where I can feel comfortable and peaceful enough is really important, even if I have to do a neverending search for it.
I celebrate all these inconveniences. It's the journey, right? Maybe moving out means moving on. Maybe moving out means not putting up with the crap because duh, I am too mature ( ha ha ha) for any of that. Sometimes the situation calls for it, it's time to look for a better place where I will have peace of mind. Oh peace of mind, I'll do anything to have it, to keep it. But that too seems elusive these days. Circumstances brought upon me by my own choices tend to shake me up a bit. Maybe this is the universe's harsh way to check on me. To prevent me from sleeping and stagnating. To see if I am still really living.
Maybe moving out means moving up. Bettering myself day by day. This is just part of the process. But I am always being tested and it is hard to put that nice face all the time. There is so much pressure not to disappoint. There is so much pressure not to be Me. I always think this is just a test, a test. What do I learn from all of this?
Maybe radical self-compassion is what I need ... on top of peace of mind, mental freshness, spiritual awareness, deep inner strength, my own house and lot, a cat, pizza, a bottle of wine, a camera phone (that actually works), a nice massage, oh my Gawd, am I asking too much from this life? Sigh.
I am moving out.
previously, previously, previously,
