I come from the future because it's 2021 now where I am. Let me guys give you a hint, it's gloomy. The future is dark and uncertain. I was actually planning to go to the beach to celebrate but it's damp, cloudy, and miserable out there. This rainy weather is not giving me any positive vibes that I need.
I have not been okay and that's okay. I am on a long holiday and I am not in the mood to spend my days doing chores. I just want to sit with my feelings and think. Or not. I deserve to be bedridden and self-medicate on wine. And just be here, safe. Safe from the outside world. I am grateful that I am holding on to dear life.
How are y'all? Are you celebrating with your loved ones right now? Are you still in this self-imposed isolation? Lockdown? Hang in there, you guys. I am sure it's going to be bright and sunny soon.
I am going to skip the new year's resolution because we all know that we are just lying to ourselves. But I am going to try to be a better human being that's for sure. A little bit better diabolika that you all know.
Facebook's been a bit bothersome lately, I think it is contributing greatly to my anxiety. The past few days I've been posting a lot of nice photos of myself and Diablo and I get this instant Dopamine kick from the likes and story views. I mean these so-called Facebook friends will only remember you if they see an attractive photo of you. I mean try not posting for a while or just activating your messenger - they won't even notice your existence. I can't stand these superficial people.
Honestly, the views and the likes are making me happy but just temporarily. It's all for attention. It only gives me the illusion that people care, those that I know in real life or used to know. But you know, it's all fake and meaningless and it is just making me feel more lonely than ever. It's knowing that they have that technological access to check on someone and don't use it is what hurts me. Sure, it works both ways, right? I checked on some but I got all these generic responses "I am okay" and worse, some just didn't respond at all. I think people are mean and have become bots in this day and age. Knowing this is the case just makes me not want to connect with anyone I know anymore.
I think overtly showing any signs of vulnerability and desperation for meaningful connection only attracts predators than real friends. I don't know where to go. And maybe I am at fault here too. My state of mind is a mess and I am barely clinging on to life. People can feel that and they don't want that kind of infection.
So I am thinking that maybe I should just focus on being a diabolika here. You know writing, sharing, connecting with followers and people I follow here. Life was easier back in the day. I was not active on FB and was just focusing on building my website and blogging for Steemit. That was pre-covid and I was already isolated. It was less painful back then because I was in this pursuit of something great.
I hope you guys are having a great time right now. I have a diabolika Twitter account now, if you want to connect with me or anything, or follow bite-sized diabolic thoughts of me.