Hey y'all! I am actually writing this from work, ha! Cheeky me. I now have all the free time in the world to rant about my mental state and I might as well make crypto off it. Oh don't you worry about the post title, this should be a fun post even though I am perpetually pissed and perpetually feeling meh as you guys might have already noticed. But hey at least I am trying. I am trying to feel better even if things are strange and dark all around us. I mean look around, I think the world has gone mad don't you think? Riots, plague, crisis ... my Gawd, why am I still living amidst all this?
Guess what's the only positive thing these days? The only thing that's keeping us all hopeful, alive and wonderful? Yey for the mooooning Bitcoin. Okay I don't have a lot in my wallet but how I wish I have hodled a lot since it was at 6k but you know I have no regrets really. I have no regrets because life got in the way. Some of us just cannot afford to hodl that long. Some of us have to survive. But well, good on those who are becoming richer during this crisis. I am really happy for you all since I am a big proponent of freedom and living life on your own terms. I have a feeling that cryptocurrencies can make your wildest dreams come true.
Okay now I think I should change the title, I am going further into the light. Let me go back to my darkness. A few days ago, in my desperate attempt to feel better, I tried to climb and descend the stairs of the apartment building in front of mine for about ten minutes. Then walked around the roof deck while admiring the nice view of trees, sun, sky and mountains around me. I started breathing heavily and feeling physically tired but in a good way. But wow, it's really true that exercise can do a lot for your mood. I am going to do this again.
Today I woke up and I am back into the darkness. My muscles are aching like hell and I can barely walk. Because who said that I can just go and do a strenuous exercise after a long time of no physical exertion. I didn't even do any stretching so that was stupid. I guess my point in all of this is don't stop trying to make yourself feel better in any way possible. Even if it hurts.
So. I tried to hug Diablo (my cat) because he is the only huggable thing at the moment that can bring my mood back into the light. But guess what, he bit my face. I guess that was done in a loving way but I don't know anymore. I am a bit scared of this demon and my own. Some cute things in this world are quite unpredictable. Don't trust.
Here at work I feel like a walking zombie totally disconnected from the rest of the world. On a brighter note, I really think this is a very privileged job. I mean, you know, who else can do what I do? Finish tasks in a very short time and go on really long breaks and dodge small talk like a pro. It's peaceful and I am earning.
There are days when I feel like I am falling deep and deep into the darkness but there are many ways not to get completely sucked into the blackhole. It may feel like breathing is a lot of work but the point is not to stop trying. I think life is beautiful but I just can't see it now... but yeah, let's make the most of every good little thing while we can. Even if it bites you in the face. Even if it hurts.