My birthday wish for today is to be able to live off blogging again. Simply because I am an ole geezer now and I deserve that lowest of the low van life too.
I used to live off Steemit back when it was still worth 1 USD or more and I had other means of making money (tour agency). Now I am seeing a bit of improvement in the value of Hive and I'm pretty optimistic about it. I am reconsidering claiming my peaceful and isolated blogging life.
It's been six months at work already and I've been trying my best to maximize the benefits. I can get the rent paid on time and buy cat food. I also bought a new camera phone (supposedly for blogging) which unfortuntely won't be paid off until September this year. So, I still have many reasons not to quit my job yet.
And yet, I also have many reasons to quit. For one, I am not really a sociopath to be able to thrive and survive in a toxic environment like that - I am working for one of or the richest CEO in the world. I'm sure you already have a clue. These guys are here because they know that we are desperate enough to agree with those wages and working conditions. I mean my job, in particular, isn't all that bad compared with others, I love data analytics and reporting stuff, however, of course, it is always about the people. Always the people.
I think I got burned out too early. I was too excited to come back to the corporate world to show off my skills. I got too enthusiastic to get ahead. I did initiate things, create things for the improvement of our processes and yet I still feel underutilized and unappreciated. Which was alright and I could accept because some people just wouldn't be able to adapt to that kind of toxic competition this company is very well known for. So, I continued to work peacefully and diligently while protecting my mental well-being. It turns out that it is hard trying to be zen while you are in hell. I don't think I have that kind of stoic mental strength.
The problem is that people cannot accept the success of others and so I felt that I've been constantly being pulled down through emails and meetings. Sometimes I feel like the goal is just to bring me down because it only started to happen when I initiated stuff (just because I can and have the skills). I mean I did try to talk to the boss and I thought he could understand where I am coming from. I wanted to move out of this account but I was told to just bear everything and go through it all instead. I mean, this already implies that something is wrong. I feel this heavy weight every meeting because it now feels like another opportunity for a colleague to shame me and bring me down.
Wow, I don't know what to do. Months ago I said that I can always leave this situation but it feels like I am trapped by my salary - this is the worse. I mean, if I have my own house/land, this would be so easy. Unfortunately, I am still paying rent and I don't have any inheritance. My age tells me that I should be responsible by now making me feel more trapped than ever. Some people say that they will feel bored and purposeless without a 9-5 job but I can think of a million things to do with my free time now.
I guess I just want to work less and live more again.