I LOVE YOU BUT I AM GUILTY
**Author: Kitty Liang
Translator: Kitty Liang**
Synopsis
Everyone has his obsession,for Lois, Michael was the one. For Lois, the purpose of living was to be together with Michael. She would go mad if she could not have him. Lois’s obsession was so strong that not only Michael but herself had got hurt. … Michael said to his friend that let’s have a drink to celebrate Lois’s death, however, when he was drunk, he asked his friend that did I lose someone important to me?
001
To fall in love is the ignition phase of a collective movement consisting two people.
It is often believed that, it is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one especially when one is responsible for a wrong action; it is only through the power of love this believe can be achieved.
Love is the only method to be adopted in saving the guilty hence taking risk, but is it always the case to risk love for one who continually defiles the content of it leaving one in pain?
It is of no disputable fact that love is beautiful but how will a guilty soul express his or her love when they articulate words which constantly contradict their feelings?
It is indeed possible to love someone yet be responsible or guilty of the person’s pain.
Love is said to be a tender affection one feels for somebody.
Some believe it is an obsession whileothers think that it is a beautiful jinx.
Love is harder than any pain a person has felt. Love can cause an in-depth pain one cannot conceal and even though one tries to bounce back by putting the pieces back together, he or she may look intact but will never be quite the same as he or she was before the fall.
Many may have experienced several heights of love but is this tale of love any different from that Lois’ love story. It could be certain that several others can perfectly relate with that of Lois and Michael’s story.
Couples come together with the aim to provide companionship for each other but there are times when the companionship becomes sour and unbearable causing a deepened pain.
It was Lois’s dream to be a good companion to her dream man. A woman beyond measure and thus be a cynosure to all and sundry.
She patiently worked towards realizing being a woman of substance and worth emulation thus dreamed and wished her marital life would be cozy and rosy; and perhaps would be taken to a different pedestal.
She had a fine picture of what exactly her family would look like and prayed earnestly for such a family. Little did she know that such a fantasy only existed in the wonderland.
Lois had a smooth sail through her childhood life through to adulthood where she was encountered challenges especially in her love life.
She met a man whom she thought best fit her criteria and thus made him her partner for life. This man was a man Lois referred to as the Sweetness.
He brought so much joy and happiness to Lois. His name is Michael but the persistent love shown to him by Lois made all and sundry forget his name and called Sweet as Lois called him. Lois was virtually crazy about him and so obsessed with him.
Lois was pre-occupied with the mindset of one thought, desire and image which led to useless pondering and thinking over the unrealistic. Even though it is believed that obsession towards one’s dream and goals is always a healthy feeling, obsession towards one love interest can be fatal.
This reality is what Lois could not come in terms with. She possessed an obsessed mind which was a hyper-active mind and could not stay at peace since all the time her obsessed mind is fixated on thinking about its obsession.
Growing up, her mother incessantly iterated to her hearing that, “obsessed people cannot stay relaxed and calm” especially knowing the full personality of Lois.
Everything was well as Lois fantasied when she was a child until she encountered trouble in her marriage. For once she wanted to throw in the towel especially knowing that Michael’s behavior has altered.
She felt her marriage was in shambles and gradually going down the drain but what made her keep up with the striving mentality to stand for her marriage was the spirit of obsession. Lois noticed the change in the behavior of Michael. She realized Michael’s love for her has grown cold and virtually nothing could be done to revive it. Her sole wish was to win Michael’s love once again, but all efforts proved futile.
Michael led Lois in total agony leaving to work out her pain. In the spare of Lois’ pain and agony, she muttered under a deep breath saying “I won't ever leave you, even though you are always leaving me.”
She persistently fought for Michael but he was reluctant to her any attention. For once, Lois regretted having even imagined her marriage life during her childhood days and hated facing reality.
In deep thoughts, Lois could not forgive herself and she whispered to herself almost tearing up that: “sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.”
This, everyone would agree with Lois.
Michael’s total turnover caused an extreme bewilderment in Lois. Michael could be tagged as an extremist because he did everything Lois abhors to its peak. Lois was tolerant through it all. Michael felt Lois obsessive thus needed freedom to live his own pleasing way of life. Lois tried to meet her very to make Michael happy but in turn made Lois a saddened being.
Lois as a wife witnessed her man go hungry not because Lois refused to cook but rather was reluctant to eat from Lois’ pot.
Michael continually resisted Lois and her cooking skills which eventually became nothing to talk about. The mere fact of Lois seeing her man go hungry quickened her to cook for him and even with that he rejects the food made.
He refers to eat noodles made of his own skills than eat any food prepared by his wife. This made Lois aggrieved in her marital home.
It could be speculated that, most of her friends had a nicer marital life especially when the men cordially cooperate with their life partners. Michael often returned home late leaving Lois worried and sleepless thus making food prepared for him go waste.
One thing Lois yearned for was Michael’s affection but Michael showed none to her.
Lois in aim of trying to execute her home duties as a good wife made him a meal even though it was not so sumptuous.
She took a long while to prepare the meal. This meal was the last meal she prepared for him. Her earnest prayer was to get Michael eat the food she took her time to prepare. The dish Lois prepared apparently happens to be Michael’s favorite meal.
After the food preparation, her man was not home yet.
She laid down in earnest expectation to have her man come back on time. Her face grew pale as days passed because of the pain and agony she was experiencing. Her eyes dimmed and countenance looked gloomy as she pictures how her marital life was treating her. It was not be wrongly said if one speculates that she had grown slender and pale.
Her depression in her marriage has led to a total shut down in some part of her life making her assume a negative position in all things.
As she laid down on the bed waiting for her man, she suddenly felt the great entrance of her husband. Her husband on returning was not of a different behavior in terms of manners. He rudely spoke to her wife causing her more and severe heartaches.
It will be of no other opinion than to accede to the fact that when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.
Lois was attitudinally maltreated and brutalized by Michael with no remorse. Lois still hoping that her marital life will be silky as expected sat carefully watching the actions of Michael upon his arrival.
Lois with the exceptional quality of being courteous invited her husband to the table to eat his favourite meal. This obviously was something Michael least expected especially when he had openly and explicitly showed his heartbreaking behavior towards Lois.
He turned suddenly to Lois and grinned in a mockery way drew nigh to Lois and whispered in her ear words of pain and heartache.
Lois wishing to retaliate tightened her fist with glare reddened eye fixed on Michael but her actions were nothing to talk about since it did not have a feel of it being realized. His action was thus expected but not to this extent. Michael’s action was emotionally brutalizing but Lois kept the faith of being a committed and loyal wife.
One could attest to the fact that Lois level of servitude and meekness could render several accolades to her name in this 21st Century because such women are hard to find especially with implementation of laws concerning right of women and the immense thumbs raised for feminism. Also, it is of every man’s dream to be with lady like Lois who will cascade her avalanche love on them.
Michael making such cutting comments to Lois sat behind the food glaring at the dim face of Lois. He knew deep within that his action could lit up the face of Lois. He knocked on the table several times to draw Lois’ attention to what the fact that he was about eating her food. It was flash surprise as Lois thought he would not even temper with food, something he never does. This suddenly lit up Lois’ face as she looked at him.
Within Lois, it could be said that she had in the long while felt at peace even though she least knew it would be short lived. Michael took the side spoon and dished the food only to drop in to a small bowl jokingly to irritate Lois. Lois was so downhearted after such a behavior from Michael.
Michael then turned his wife said to her “this food is disgusting and never in any way will I eat such a food. Even dogs would reject this kind of food”.
Lois felt a sharp pain across her palpitating heart filled so much anguish and agony. Michael then swept the food on the table directly on her slightly pale white face leaving her no other option than to muster courage to use piercing and harsh on him. She blurted out all her anguish and finally iterated how ungrateful has been to her.
She said “For seven years, have you eaten the meal I cook”?
Michael in angry mood rebuked her utterance and had her keep mute. This pushed Lois put total state of perplexity and total confusion, putting her mindset into shackles.
Her face grew paler as Michael outpoured such unadorned words on her.
TIME TO PONDER
What happens when you love someone wholeheartedly yet gain nothing but hatred back?
What happens when you continually yearn for one’s love yet he or she always referred you to the terms and conditions attached to the relationship?
Should love always bring us pain? What happens if you marry someone you do least find attractive?
How do you treat one you barely have feelings for you yet married to him or her?
Most at times people use the circumstances surrounding their dream life partner to trap them hoping that they will eventually love them back since they are now attached to them, but that is not always the case. Sometimes the love grows bitter especially when one partner feels he or she is in the marriage because it is only a contract.
What is your reason for getting married? Can you relate your story with that of Lois and Michael’s or your story differs? Love is beautiful and the most fascinating story but is it always the case that is fascinating. If not, then how do you a term a story full of agony and hatred yet some fraction of love remains in it. The story continues.
