I am planning on doing at least one mushroom trip a month this entire year and yesterday was the second trip of the year. My first trip of the year was 5 grams and you can find the post here about that crazy experience. Yesterday's trip was "only" 2.3 grams and it felt like an entirely new type of experience for me.
I started my trip around 2:45 in the afternoon by eating my chocolate bar that is infused with psilocybin. The bars that I have come in a variety of different flavors, and yesterday we had the strawberry cheesecake flavor. It may sound delicious, but it was pretty gross. I chewed it up and swallowed it as fast as I could because there was no enjoying the flavor at all. My wife had a harder time getting it down and she vows that is the last time she is eating one of the bars because they do not taste very good. The original milk chocolate flavor is good, but all the fancy flavors are pretty gross.
After we ate our bars, we got ready to go out on a walk. The weather was amazing yesterday. The sky was bright blue and the sun was warm and shining down on us. When we go on our walk, it is about a mile and we walk along a canal and then make our way to a park and do a loop around it and then come back home. While we were at the park, there were so many people out enjoying the warmer weather. About 15 minutes into the walk, my stomach started to turn and I could feel my body beginning to react to what I had ingested.
The last experience was very intense and I could feel my body beginning to freak out. It was like my body remembered how intense everything was on the last trip and then I began to regret eating the mushrooms. But I just told myself that I made it through just fine last time and that this dose was a lot smaller and everything was going to be just fine.
Before I do trips, I like to set intentions so that I can get something out of them. My intention for this trip started a little over a week ago when I was in the shower and decided to shave my beard off. I have had some sort of a beard for the last 12 years, and over the last 2 years, I really let my beard grow out pretty long and my beard kind of became my identity. Mushrooms have a way of making you kind of lose your identity and then find yourself, so when I decided to shave off my beard, it was kind of a way for me to let go of the person that I was before I grew my beard and see myself in an entirely new way.
The old me prior to having a beard, I was a soldier in the military, and then when I got out of the military, I became a police officer. During those 15 years or so that I was in the military and law enforcement, I lived through some pretty traumatic circumstances and because of that, I lost a lot of who I was and became a pretty dark and mean person. I hated the person that I was and my beard was kind of a new identity for me. So when I shaved my beard last week, I was confronted with my old self in the mirror. The self that I hated and that had caused so much hurt to those around me.
When I came out of the bathroom, my daughter was sitting at the kitchen table and when she saw me, she started crying. I found out that she was crying because it brought her back to when she was younger and my face looked like that, but she was crying because she was happy for me because I was smiling and that was something I didn't do much back then. So it was healing for her to see me without my beard. The rest of the day was pretty weird for me as I saw myself in the mirrors and saw people reacting to me with having a smooth face.
So back to the intention of the trip... My intention was to forgive my old self and to create a new version of myself that I am going to live with. Throughout this year, I will be growing my beard back, but not to hide from my old self, but to make the best version of myself. I also wanted to just slow down and enjoy this trip because the last trip was such an intense experience, that I couldn't really relax and enjoy it while it was happening.
Once we got back from our walk, I could really feel things start to change. My stomach wasn't too happy and my body began to shake and vibrate. It is such a weird feeling to try and explain. It is like you have built up energy and wiggles that need to be released and your body just vibrates it out of you uncontrollably. You also get really cold and shivery, and all you want to do is lay down and wrap yourself in blankets.
So we laid down on the bed and turned some music on. My cats love to be with me during trips and at one point, I had two cats laying on me making biscuits and our husky was laying against my side. It felt like I was in the north pole just wrapped up in blankets next to a fire. The ceiling began to breath and my music started to get funky sounding. My wife was laying next to me and she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. I just looked at her and kept thinking about everything that we have been through in our lives and how lucky I am to have her. I was looking into her eyes and just got such a strong feeling of comfort. It was like I was looking deep into her soul and it was such a familiar feeling. Kind of like we have been living together for eternity, just coming here to earth and finding each other. I cried a few times in her arms and was just so filled with love and gratitude for her and the amazing mother she has been to our kids.
We laid on the bed for like an hour or so. We planned on eventually going outside, but it was just too cozy to leave the bed. So instead, I just stared up at the ceiling and watched the paint morph into all sorts of shapes and designs. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope. The shapes would mirror themselves and move and morph into different shapes. The ceiling fan was off, so the blades werent spinning and the fan was dancing around the ceiling with the music. As it danced, the blades got shorter and longer. It really was fascinating watching everything. We eventually got up out of the bed and made our way outside.
We sat on our front porch and I brought a speaker out there so I could listen to music. Listening to music on mushrooms is one of my favorite parts of tripping. Music gets all distorted sounding. Time distorts, so the music kind of stutters and echoes. It is really hard to explain. The lyrics to songs hit a lot different as well. It is like hearing the songs for the first time and the lyrics were written just for you and for what you are experiencing.
The sun felt amazing on my skin and I was just sitting there in my own little world watching the earth around me. The grass was so green and vibrant and it was breathing and morphing in on itself. The tree in my front yard was swaying back and forth to the music as the sky behind it changed colors from deep purples to pinks. Then everything behind the tree began to melt away and smear down to the ground, kind of like the colors were just liquid and it was painted on a canvas and held vertical so the paint would just drip down.
My wife got some chalk and was drawing on our sidewalk and driveway. We were having so much fun and it felt like we were little kids again. I kept looking into the sun and it was so fun to do. My wife kept telling me it wasn't good to do but I just kept sneaking looks at it. When I looked into the sun, it was like a kaleidoscope of colors coming out of the sun towards me. As I was looking at the mountains, I noticed that I could see everything super clear. I saw antennas on the mountain where they have some observation stations or something and then I noticed that I didn't have my glasses on either. Its really cool how mushrooms can make your vision so clear while you are tripping.
The rest of the trip went really good as well. My wife and I just hung out and were little kids again. We felt so much gratitude for what we have and for everything we have been through that brought us to where we are in our lives. At one point while my wife was coloring and I was just sitting in the sun listening to the music, we said how dumb it was that what we were doing is considered illegal in so many places throughout the world. There should be nothing illegal about eating these mushrooms and exploring your mind and the world.
Mushrooms have helped me so much over the last couple years. They really are a life changing experience and can help you see the world in totally different ways. I am so lucky to have what I have and to have such an amazing woman by my side as I go through this life. Make sure to go outside, touch a tree and just appreciate your life.
