Regardless of whether it has always been the case, we humans seem to have a way of looking at everything through a binary lens of perception.
Somehow, it is indoctrinated into us that these are the options, and we're not encouraged to even think about possibilities that fall outside those options.
Personally speaking, I really think that is to our detriment.
I have long believed that the most effective path to problem solving is to engage in exploration and discovery, rather than focusing on establishing one thing or another. What can we actually learn from any given situation?
I think of it as seeking the third option.
Sadly, it's typically difficult to get to because people tend to be very attached to their way of seeing things as opposed to the idea of learning more and expanding their knowledge base. Maybe it's just human ego: this need to always win the argument and establish that you're the one who knows the most.
I imagine it's also what makes it so rare for people to willingly switch political party, even if one party clearly supports the values we want... but isn't "our" party.
Humans are strange creatures. We find it so extremely difficult to admit that maybe our previous choice wasn't what we'd hoped for... or perhaps was an outright mistake. Of course all the "blamestorming" and finger pointing doesn't make it any easier for people to change direction... who wants to face a firestorm of judgment?
The third option invites people to not engage in the arguments a debates, and instead ask for explanations and clarifications. And if someone is determined to provoke a reaction we have the option to not get defensive. A great technique is to simply wait a bit after the "bait" has been thrown out and then simply say "would you mind saying that again, but maybe phrasing it slightly differently so I can be certain I understood?"
Seems to change the tone of both trolls and provocateurs. And if it doesn't, you're at least well on your way to identifying a psychopath, with whom having an argument is meaningless, anyway.
We seem to be living in an age of extremism where almost anything we say can be interpreted as "fighting words," so we do well to learn how to turn these psychological landmines into something more peaceful and productive.
Earlier today, I watched Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Ben Shapiro in conversation. It was fascinating to watch Tyson redirect Shapiro's sharp and often combative engagement style into a path to deeper inquiry and exploration... without anyone really getting "fired up."
We could use less arguing and more understanding...
Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful Sunday!
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