There's an old saying that "Life's lessons will be repeated until we learn them!"
Maybe that seems painfully obvious — at least on the surface — but if you allow yourself to sit and think about the potential deeper meanings for a while, it's remarkable how much territory that statement covers.
In the field of psychology, we often talk about the "repetition compulsion," by which people keep engaging in the same destructive or toxic behavior, over and over again, in spite of likely being aware that what they are doing is not leading to end result they truly want.
And so they keep repeating those lifelessons, even though it seems painfully obvious that they should stop. But simply knowing and truly learning something are not the same thing!
Sadly, no amount of help can help someone who's not ready to be helped, even if they need to be helped.
Somehow, the pattern has to be broken, perhaps by some kind of failure so painful that the thought of even exposing yourself to the possibility of a repeat performance is enough to put an end to the cycle.
Thankfully, not everyone needs to fall to complete rock bottom, in order to learn their lifelessons.
To the observer, a pattern may look painfully obvious... but we have to truly understand the pattern, in order to break free.
It's something people often end up doing in their relationships. They find themselves wildly attracted to a certain kind of personality, with whom they invariably can only have a toxic and destructive relationship.
And — as painful as each iteration might be — they just can't seem to say "no" to that type of person, operating (perhaps) under some hope that they will discover the "secret formula" that finally will make such a relationship succeed.
Of course, it doesn't!
Invariably, there's something inside them that needs to be healed, before they can move on to better things. Sometimes, we have to turn the tables upside down and instead ask what it is that makes them "not interested" in people with whom they could have a really good relationship.
But it happens elsewhere, as well. At work, for example.
I have met more than a few people who are "chronically UNDER-employed." They skip from job to job, working at things that don't really call for them to use their knowledge and expertise... and end up quitting after a few months because they are bored.
"Well, I took the job because I knew I could DO it!"
Whereas that is definitely a legitimate point of view, the deeper question touches on why such a person is actually afraid of putting their real skills to work. Do you have a fear of discovering that perhaps you're not good enough for something?
I recognize that one from earlier parts of my own life!
Even when I was at University, I would often catch myself making sure I had enough knowledge to pass an advanced course before signing up for an intermediate course. Completely ridiculous, of course, but my self-esteem at the time was such that I didn't believe I was qualified to do anything, even though I had taken all the tests to prove otherwise.
I finally broke out of that cycle when I managed to get a "D" in a class for which I thought I was extraordinarily well prepared, and I learned that there's no such thing as a sure thing. And failing is a pretty normal part of life!
Learning some of these lessons is definitely not easy! But life does get better once you have made a switch.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!
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Created at 2024-03-28 01:24 PDT
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