I wouldn't exactly say that this is a new realization, but I almost got to be this many years old before I realized that I am very emotionally/energetically motivated.
That is to say, I am typically full of energy and enthusiasm when things are going well, and end up really dragging when things are going badly.
During extended periods when life and the world seem very down and desperate, I find myself having almost no motivation, almost like I take on the mood — and depressive tendencies — of the greater world like a sponge.
The silly thing about it is that I recogonize that the doldrums of greater life aren't actually originating with me, they come from the "general surrounding atmosphere." And it's extraordinarily difficult for me to pull my head out of a certain dark place so I can get on with my own life.
I know it's a popular thing in "alternative" psychology and mental health to simply declare oneself an "Empath," and be done with it, right there.
I reject that particular label — and most labels, in general — because labels so often end up becoming a blanket excuse/explanation for everything in a person's life, and subsequently a rationalization for stopping our exploratory journey, right there... leading to a sort of "limbo state" in which we are never really growing or learning much, anymore.
For much of my life I have wasted huge amounts of time looking for an appropriate "insertion point" back into the stream of life whenever I have dropped into one of those limbo states.
Simply getting started can be exceptionally difficult.
I have gradually come to understand the impact of so-called "executive dysfunction" as part of this equation... a frequent side effect of my ADHD. No, I'm not "immersing myself" into the world of ADHD, treating it like some sort of panacea that stands to blame for every outcome in my life. No more true than "blaming" being an HSP, being slightly on the Autism Spectrum, being an Introvert, lifelong Anxiety or anything else. These are all puzzle pieces that do no more than help me navigate the whole.
But simply getting started remains extraordinarily difficult.
It's also one of those things that tends to bring out a host of helpful advisors who have all manners of good suggestions that unfortunately don't mean much unless they — themselves — have been in the same situation.
The thing is, when you're dealing with something that's a biproduct of brain function, someone's assurances that they "know exactly what I'm feeling" tends to be a (false) platitude with nothing backing it up.
Much of the time, I battle what I have to think of as "Preparation Paralysis." There are always a few more things that have to be put in order and made ready for, before I can start on "The Main Event." As a simplistic analogy, it's a bit like that person you may have encountered who's going back for their seventh University degree before going out and actually pursuing their dreams in the greater world. Preparation creates an eternal "wait state," and you eventually come to realize (or not) that you will likely never be prepared enough.
And so, I end up back at the title I decided to give this post: If not NOW, then WHEN?"
Is there ever a "right time" to start a project; a new career; a business; a relationship... anything?
I remember a piece of wisdom passed to me when I was in my early 30's and debating the possibility that it was "too late" for me to start a particular business. The answer was "It's only too late if you don't start NOW!"
Maybe it's a bit of a flip answer, but it also holds a fair amount of truth. In order to break out of the paralysis you have to accept that there will never be a perfect time to start... so just start.
I currently have a project that I am dipping my toes into — related to expanding and pumping new life into one of my home businesses — that has been sitting at the "almost ready" stage since May. It has been held up by the fact that I don't feel "well enough organized" to start it until I get completely caught up on bookkeeping for several other businesses I'm feeling "a bit behind with."
It's a lame excuse because I know I can catch up.
I always have, even when things look very bleak. Even with that knowledge, the blockage remains. But one of the great tools I have used is publicly stating that I will get started tomorrow! So I will...
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!
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2026.08.19 23:58 PDT
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