@delightedpen and I will be walking you through a painful heartbreak experience. Permit me to share this in a storytelling format. 😊
The early morning sun streamed through the flowery curtains, revealing 24-year-old Anita in her soft comfy bed, sitting with one leg crossed over the other and her ankles tucked under her thighs. Her eyes were shut, lost in her inner world as the cool morning breeze wafted through her nostrils.
Anita's room was brightly furnished with pink and white paintings on the wall. Led lights and roses aligned her long aesthetic mirror, and posters filled with affirmative writings gave her wall a graceful look. Beside her elegant wardrobe was a shelf bearing cosmetics, deodorants and skin care products. Anita loved how safe and cozy her space was.
She opened her eyes slowly and gazed at the pink colour journal just before her. It was her diary, her last birthday gift from her BFF (best friend forever). She let out a smile as she opened the first page of the diary. She glanced through briefly, then flipped through to a blank page. She picked up her pen and began to lay out the countenance of her heart.
‘Raph... he isn't just my world; he is my oxygen.’
She shut the diary immediately and buried her head in her palms, the words sinking to the bottomless part of her heart. She beamed. It was true. Raph had been her darling from year one. And with the ASUU and internal strikes, they'd ticked the fourth year together. Raph loved her — she always believed — as he'd shown her that in the last four years.
Valentine was in three days and Raph had told her he had a surprise for her. She still remembered how his full, straight-edged lips spilled the words most romantically. Now the memory of it could only send cold shivers down her spine.
“He says he has a surprise for me,” she whispered giggly as if there was a gisting partner seated next to her.
She had calculated her milestones for the year 2024: Graduation in July. Convocation in October. A surprise proposal from Raph. Wedding preparation. She would commence the compulsory youth service program (National Youth Service Corps) and would begin to earn the seventy-seven thousand naira they must have implemented by then, maybe. She would invest in her pastry business and take more writing gigs. The coast of 2024 was clear to her; it would rain blessings and greatness; it would be magnificent.
But Raph announcing a surprise this early made the butterflies in her belly leap helplessly for joy. It couldn't be more than a proposal, could it? Anita nodded to herself, turned open her diary and wrote a few words.
She would be engaged in a few days. That was the word. It would be safe to address Raph as her fiancé. She would let the whole world know that the diamond ring glittering on her finger was given to her by her man. Her man! Anita squealed some more.
The next seventy-two hours seemed to take an eternity to arrive, or so Anita thought. Finally, it was the moment. Anita sat across her man in a dim-lighted, calm, serene lounge, gazing at his romantic eyes with the help of the dim illuminants which gave them a hint of light. The lounge would have been completely quiet if not for the soft instrumental streaming from the speakers and the low chatters of the people around.
Anita could read Ralph's eyes — he was happy. Or wasn't that what his endless smiles depicted? She didn't want to think otherwise. And if something was bothering him, she knew him so well to not soil their happy moment over some issue. He would resolve it later. She'd help him as she always did, and Raph would pull her into a hug, telling her how much he needed her.
Seconds flew into minutes and the silence on the table was becoming awkward. Ralph's unending smile was leaving a clown kind of look. Was he alright? If Anita was getting worked up, she couldn't hide it any longer.
She dropped her fork and knife, the clanking sound making Raph shiver.
Anita kept a straight face. “Are you fine?”
Raph smiled again, the umpteenth time now. “Yes... I guess?”
Two hours passed, and nothing happened. There was no proper conversation, and for the few questions Anita asked, Raph gave mumbled responses.
Soon, they arrived at Anita's apartment and Raph held her hand, leading her to her door. He stopped halfway.
“Anita?”
Anita's heart skipped a beat. She didn't turn to look at him, but she could feel the emotions in his voice. This was the moment. Raph was going to propose. She couldn't help but suppress some squeal.
Raph didn't wait for her response. He cleared his throat and went on speaking, each word coming out one second at a time.
“I appreciate all we've had in the last four years...” he paused, stealing her curious eyes. Her impatient eyes urged him to go on. He swallowed the last lump of saliva in his mouth, then cast his gaze downward. “I... I don't think we can go on any further.”
Okay. What date was it again? Crap. 14th February, not April Fool's Day, her mind screamed. If Raph thought he was going to pull a stunt tonight, then yes, he had pulled it well. Anita searched his eyes, unwilling to blink for a second. She counted up to ten in her mind; perhaps he would burst into laughter, announcing it was only a joke. Then, yes, he would go one knee and reveal a box of diamond ring.
None of it happened. Ralph's eyes held it all — he meant every single word. Anita, overwhelmed by impulse, ran into his embrace and kissed him passionately. Raph got to be kidding her. He wouldn't do this to her, not now, not ever. Raph slowly pulled away and took a step backwards. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words hung in his throat.
“Raph, baby, please...” Anita said, half-crying, half-smiling. She pushed herself to plant another kiss but he blocked her from coming further.
“Don't you get it? I'm not feeling this relationship any longer. I can't marry you, Anita. I'm done.”
Without any further response, he turned and walked towards his car, leaving Anita speechless and dumbfounded. He started his ignition and zoomed off, leaving dust behind as he sped out of sight.
Two nights later, Anita found herself seated on the bare tiles, a shadow of herself. Her books and lecture materials sprawled around her. She was trying to do many things that night: study for her first semester exams, which were to commence in a week, attend to an impromptu assignment, and try to get Raph out of her mind. The last one was an impossible feat. Like a magnet, Raph seemed stuck in her mind she doubted she'd ever get him out.
The news of the break-up had left her shattered. Leaving her with no definite reason, Anita thought that was the cruellest thing to do.
Was he seeing someone else? Did it have anything to do with their intertribal difference? Had she stopped being attractive? Was it the sex she refused him?
Anita was left to figure out the puzzles herself. She didn't want to involve her friends, especially Mira. Mira had always sung to her ears, ‘Do not put your eggs in one basket’. Now, there was no egg, and there was no basket. Another pool of tears fell onto Anita's opened diary, dabbling its ink. She knew for sure that her choice to be faithful wasn't just about Raph, but about her, her future home.
Sniffing for the umpteenth time, Anita helped herself to her bathroom and washed off her face.
“I will be fine. I will get over this.”
Today, the 27th of May 2024, Anita was seen laughing heartily with some children in an amusement park. It was a bright day with clear weather, the day certain and promising. This would be her first time volunteering in Grace Orphanage Home to help plan a special Children's Day for the kids.
After running to her fill, she crashed to the ground breathlessly, watching the children run ahead, their cheerful voices renting the air. Though uncertain of what the future held for them, she thought, children were never worried.
Of course, they didn't have to bother. That was the kind of mindset Anita had adopted in the last months and would continue to uphold. She may not have control over what life threw at her, but she had control over its effects on her.
The last few months had screamed growth amid pain, and a new purpose had been birthed. She had sought the right knowledge and, with counselling, began to live up to her purpose while watching the last days of her undersigned journey draw closer. She was determined to live each day at a time.
©️Delightedpen
