Saying "no" to people has always been a struggle for me, I tend to always want to be in the good books of others and sure enough that got me used most times, it made me realize though that I might be struggling with low self esteem because why should how anyone sees me be an issue to me, why should their validation matter to me?? why should I care about people who wouldn't move an inch for me while I move a mile for them?
As a person who always said "yes" to others, I found myself constantly over-scheduled and overwhelmed. I felt like I was living for others and not for myself. Over time, this led to burnout because i would be so exhausted from doing someone elses tasks, I won't have enough energy left to finish my own and I knew something had to change. Well, it all changed when I started to realize people won't do the same for me, they won't go the same mile i'll go for them, some people only care about how they can benefit from me or probably use me.
I started by setting boundaries with others and saying "no" when it was necessary for my own well-being. If it would get in the way of my own activities, I firmly said no. Of course it wasn't easy at first and was very strange to me, deep down I still felt like I was hurting the person's feelings, with practice and I mean a whole lot of practice, it became more comfortable. I also realized that learning to say "no" showed I valued my time and I also noticed the results of my action wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I thought I was going to be labelled a selfish person, but that was not the case, I actually got respected more because I was less available,truly scarcity creates value.
Also, how people treat you is a direct reflection of your self worth, and boundaries, so value yourself,value your time and set boundaries and sure enough people would respect and value you.
This is just a short message to anyone who also struggles to say "No" to others, value yourself more than you value the urge to satisfy other people, because you'll only get used. Don't get me wrong i'm not saying you should not help others in whatever way possible, but if that is getting in the way of your progress or growth, or the help would be at your own detriment, I suggest you just let the person know you won't be able to help, it doesn't make you a bad person. Being valued starts from you valuing yourself and your time and I'm sure no one would judge you for doing that.
Let me know what you think about this in the comments, i appreciate you taking your time to read, Thank you, and have a wonderful day ahead.
