how it seems.. expressed in a poem

This is the end of frustration

No gratitude to be alive
No desire to even die
Only resigned to fate

All my life, our river teems
Even now, our sky swarms
Fishes and birds alike
My only catch is nothingness

Apparent mirage ahead
Heaven forbids my presence
Hell, has rejected my plea
My future only looks impotent

Saddle with the choice to choose
Hopelessness or hopefulness
Amused by the age of the former
I am bemused by the latter

Life has become colourless
Abandoned to shredded thought s
Groping in the dark for nothingness
In the abyss of futility