One of the main reasons I looked into freewriting specifically, is because I often criticize myself before putting words down. I could have a bunch of ideas going through my head, but once sitting down to write or type them I often end up staring at the wall without actually generating any work. It's now much more obvious to me that thoughts of this manner are often valuable, if at least recognizing the bizarre things our minds come up with. There's a phrase along the lines of 'Motivation is fleeting', and I believe ideas are like that too. Thoughts pop in and out of our mind, not always being stored in memory for later. That's why we should write down as many as possible. Another possibly misquoted phrase, 'The most successful people have many, many more bad ideas than good. They were just willing to be accountable for all the bad ones'. Why then, is it easier to keep the ideas to ourselves? My personal explanation for this is rooted in experiences with the American school system. When the goal of education for at least 12 years is to answer the verified, regurgitated responses taught by our teachers, by the threat of being held back and retaking classes, it becomes clear why. I'm positive the purpose of the school system was sound at the time, but it can be frustrating to unpack the scars that came with the k-12 system.
Despite my struggles in the past, I'm actually super optimistic about the future. Sure, I spent a healthy amount of time wallowing about the things I missed out on or the defense mechanisms I had to slowly process through. But, as this healing process developed, I realized that there's a lot to be excited about. The shift from 'I should...' to 'I want to...' meant that I could finally start to reclaim what was molded to the system. I don't have to filter my thoughts when I write, because I'm not writing for a grade. I'm writing because I want to. I don't have to work a certain job because I should, I find work that I want to do. Working your way up doesn't mean you magically appear where you want to be; it simply means there's a way out. Everyone starts at the bottom, but if you don't even realize you're at the bottom, why leave? I have a lot to learn about writing, sentence structure, flow, vocabulary, and other terms that I brain dumped because I didn't need them for school anymore, but now I'm doing it as a choice. I choose to write down my unfiltered words in public places so I can learn. I choose to learn from first order principles, making mistakes along the way. I choose to be vulnerable in building skills, all so that I can get to place I actually want to be. There's no grade, it's life. I'm allowed to choose something one year and decide to change focus the next. I'm allowed to make mistakes as I learn how to live; I'm the only 'me' that has ever lived. The focus is the journey, not the result of it. One last quote to end 'Every person lives two lives. The second begins when they realize they have just one.'