So our contest come to the end (https://steemit.com/fun/@davidconstantine/best-joke-contest-steem-and-usdupvotes-prizes).
It was hell funny haha, thanks for all participants.
Scroll down for the winners
First Place - 
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
Second Place - 
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Third Place - 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down.
I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Prizes sent to the winners, my congratulations!
See you next time :)