I read a book a while back that described the five "languages of love" as: verbal affirmations, time investment, physical touch, gifts, and gestures. Each of these has the power to be a double entendre, two for the price of one... This is because while each of them exists as they are- shared lunch breaks, notes placed in a lunch boxes, massages at the end of the day- they also communicate "I love you".
It is worth noting that as humans, we're not equally fluent in all of these. Sometimes we get lost in translation, meaning that the efforts of parters go unnoticed, even with the best intentions and a crazy desire to be together. It is for this reason that I believe in direct conversations with our significant others. ASK and TELL and you shall receive- that sort of thing. Also, people tend to give love how they best receive it. Notice the things your other half does for you, and try to incorporate gestures from this category.
I'll share a bit of my story. I am fluent in verbal affirmations and gestures. My partner communicates best in physical touch and time investment. It took me a while to feel secure in the relationship, because I wasn't hearing the words of love I so craved. I missed a lot while I was busy searching for this one particular thing, however. I failed to notice that his hand would always rest somewhere on me when we were together; I overlooked the times he blew off other commitments so we could eat burritos at sunset; I neglected to note that he wanted to sleep entangled every night.
Interestingly, he had a similar insecurity. I told him how I felt about him- in no uncertain language- every day. But I tended to pack my days full of plans, and was always leaving after an hour or two. I often waited for him to initiate physical contact. Since these were his indicators of love, their absence gave him doubt. So, what was happening between us? Not a lack of love, but rather a lack of fluency for each other's language for it.
We had a conversation about this (about 8 months ago) and things have grown immensely since then. While each of us still responds best to our native languages, we have learned conversational levels of each others. We are committed to noticing what each of us does for the other, and acknowledging the "I love you" that accompanies it. I go in for the physical contact, and clear days in order to offer uninterrupted time. He writes love letters, and calls most nights before bed (we currently live apart part- time). We have grown into each other, learned what to notice and how to give.
Learning any new language is rewarding and challenging. But love languages? These have the power to do big things. Like bring soul mates into our lives (no big deal)
