That's How I Feel

Sitting in the bed, thoughts running over my head.
Trying to figure out what to write about, and then ...
consciousness slapped me right in the face.
Sitting and thinking, with a pen in my hand, all of a sudden
my mind just went quiet, silent kind of sullen.
**
All these thoughts, so confusing, so depressing, didn't want to come out,
because taking them out would mean catastrophe to them and no one
wants to die. They seem to have created a permanent residence
within me, like a contagious pestilence
that is deadly. It gets personal and I want to spit
it out and expose my internal being like a flower
that sprouts melodies of beauty. My hymns are
of serenity and peace.
**
Random thoughts like, how to obtain bliss when it's already there.
They say to be infected with blithe ultimate introspection is required.
My soul and mind are engaged in internal conflict.
Ever lasting happiness is what my heart is focussed on,
therefore I decide to burry all the misery that reigns my body leaving me in forlorn.
Wish I could have my mind reborn or torn
and reform it newly.
**
Writing I'm attempting to slay it and expose its bareness,
attempting to shed this skin and reveal my trueness.
Mindless things will never occupy my mind
because time awaits no one, be free while the sun
is still setting.
**
I heard the hand of dusk patting
my back when I was sitting, imprisoned by the past.
This was the time when hindrance was coming down fast
So I just had to stop.
A flop of words rendered me speechless without expression.