Still, in the end, we all die just the same.
(Haruki Murakami)
I remember reading Sadhghuru’s book about death a couple of months ago and feeling terribly scared after.
Somehow the subject of death can be quite terrifying for the average person. I can recall the first time when I saw the effect death had on people when my uncle died. A sudden rush of panic followed by sadness and despair. Nobody saw it coming. But I often wonder: why should it ever surprise us that we are all going to die?
I thought about my own death. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even miss me or if I will be easily forgotten. I wonder if death should be something we feel sad or happy about. Nobody wants to die, unless feelings of despair, pain and existential dread torments them so much that the bare existence is just a hamster’s wheel with needles poking your feet every time you run on it. Choosing a way out looks like the solution for ending the pain. I trust that there is a cycle of life and death in the Universe . When I walk alone in the forest and a big storm is coming, I suddenly remember how small I really am. The trees which once sat silent and numb are awakening and transform into giant behemots under the scream of the wind. I am a small tiny walking ant in a forest that could swallow me entirely. I can disappear and the Universe would still continue to exist.
Walking in nature often reminds me of how precious the gift of life is . I wasn’t always so appreciative of this gift until I had experiences which made me grasp for my dear life like there wasn’t anything more precious. You know, the same attitude we all have when we are sick: all of the sudden all of the minutiae of everyday life cease to matter. We appreciate walking when we can’t walk no more. We appreciate freedom when we feel trapped. We value breathing when we can’t breathe anymore. Appreciation is often learned through lack and absence. If it is no longer there ,you miss it because you didn’t appreciate it when you had it. Basic human nature: always dismissive of the things it has in hopes of something better down the corner. And it is never as better as we thought. We chase illusions and ignore opportunities because we do not live in the NOW. I rarely came across a human being who knew how to be in the moment with me: without checking the phone, without talking about other people’s drama, without doing boring small talk. A person to be there in the moment with me, breathing the air of the present reality, enjoying the gift of a moment together. It is rare to come across such a person, who can sit in silence, without talking, and just be. Just be with me.
When I think about my own death I am no longer afraid. We all have it coming , one day, one month, one year. Someday.Death is inevitable. Of course that no one would like to suffer or have others suffer because of them. Some people can use death as a policy for pity: I will die one day so appreciate me now, now. Right. I believe that if you need to constantly remind someone that you will die for them to appreciate you, then you are definitely with the wrong crowd. I believe that death can be a good reminder if you allow it to be present as a concept in your life. To contemplate and think about it. I know that after I will die I will take nothing with me. The things which will stay will be the memories and the way people felt when they were with me. What stays is the impact I managed to have on people, hopefully in a good way.
I wish people thought more often about death because it would allow them to appreciate life more. To value every moment and to know how to give love everyday to those who deserve it means that you are aware of your own mortality. People are too stingy in showing love. They believe they have years ahead to prove to someone that they love them. They think they have decades to make that trip, take that chance, reach that goal or follow that dream. They don’t. What we truly have is just the present moment. Now. This very second. Why not show and be love as long as you can? Why not try to fast forward your progress as there is no tomorrow? Why not be more brave and really not give a pickle about what people think because in the end we are all going back into the dirt in which worms crawl and leaves fall off?
I believe that some people miss life because they miss death. They chase the future or remain stuck in the past. It is so easy and tempting to be swept away by life’s drama. A job, a lousy boss, some nasty relatives, some petty arguments, never enough money, the gossip, the need to prove someone wrong or to get even, all of these are just things which distract you from what really matters: what do you really do with your life now? And WHY do you follow this path ?
In the presence of death people become humble. They would sell their house to buy the health they no longer have. They would give from their own years to buy some time with a loved one who passed away. The present moment is the only thing we can’t buy more of. We can’t buy lost time. We can’t buy future time. We are living on a ticking clock and death has the final call. Many people who have influenced me through their writings are dead. They are dead and yet their spirit is more alive than ever because their teachings have helped me and millions like me in tough times. The spiritual leftovers of my existence is what will remain. It can be a pity to think that for some people to be appreciated they have to die, but I guess that this is the way the Universe works: millions of stars had to die and galaxies to form in order for us to even be a dot in the equation of life. I don’t believe that we should keep the best for an imaginary future.
I disagree with consuming my life in order to show people that I am better, richer, smarter. In the end, people are so focused on themselves that they will miss the point anyway. I can barely get into my brain, why expect others to be capable of more understanding if they don’t even understand themselves? And yet we grow and connect through relationships. The foundation of life is love. The way in which someone has lived is never connected to material things as much as to their capacity to have loved and been loved. Loving the nature, the body that you have, the mind, the things Universe gave to you. Loving life means to understand death. If someone would ask me what I believe it will happen after I’ll die, I will simply answer: LIFE.
