I never understood guys who let women pay even in situations when they shouldn't. I never understood women who let the guy pay everything all the time. Call me old fashioned, but I believe that there are certain moments in life when this can be a deal breaker. Splitting it half when both partners fully agree is reasonable, but in special situations a guy should be mannered and pay for the lady. There are also times when the lady could pay for the guy. How can we tell which is which and make the best decision?
In romantic situations when the lady shows good manners I believe that some might use the situation to take advantage. To exploit it all the way if they sniff a generous wind coming their way. I find this terribly sad because it shows not only lack of love, but also lack of appreciation. Few people think about what is behind the money. How much work or sacrifice it must be. Just because someone is generous doesn't mean that their life is peachy. Just because somebody has more money than you it doesn't mean that they had it easy. It may also mean that you are managing your own money badly and trying to take advantage of someone else's won't help you. I think that the overall spirit of a person has to suffer if they find themselves in such a situation. You might feel good for the moment, but when you come back home, do you feel great that you made her pay all the way? That you offered a bad experience? That she was left with a sad bitter taste in her mouth? People feel when they are used and no one should feel proud about making a person feel like that.
Money comes and goes. I gained some, I lost some. I'm never sorry about losing money as much as I am sorry for losing time, investing emotions and giving it all to a person who is not ready to receive and shows ingratitude. I feel sorry more for losing valuable people than losing money. For the person who is unhappy within themselves nothing is great, they find flaws everywhere and they can't say a sincere thank you. Money can't buy you character and empathy. Money can't buy you a lover to adore you for who you are. If you ask numerous people with a lot of money they would tell you the same. They appreciate more a loving person who is loyal and caring, they appreciate the small happy moments in life, waking up in the morning and being alive and healthy. Money reveals who you are deep down, even when you have few or plenty. I smile when I hear someone say I would treat you better if I had more money. It's not true. People can show love in numerous ways. It can be in the way you talk with someone, in the way you show them respect and help them out voluntarily. Money is just the cherry on the top of who you are. If the Universe wants it, you will lose it all. And you can win it all too.
Beyond this simple aspect of romantic interaction, there is the bigger picture : what have we allowed ourselves to become as individuals. How do you feel today knowing how you behaved in the past? Have you grown? Are you better? Has the pain inflicted on others paid its price? Are you ready to pay the price for the pain you caused to others? What did you do to fix things?
The Universe is always awake and only a naive person would believe that life goes on the same way every day. It doesn't. Look at the signs. Wonder. Do introspection. When we put money in front of everything else and see relationships as a win-lose game, we limit ourselves. We kick a foot in the opportunity's butt. We hurt people and lose relationships. When people fight it is always about ego wrapped in money. About who clings more to certain walls. About who has the most spendings. About who needs it most. I have learned one thing though and time always showed me I was right: being generous and giving with your heart even when the other doesn't deserve it is a great stepping stone for your personal growth. Because doing what is right despite the bad behaviour of the other is a difficult test of life. It is easy to do evil. To wake up in the morning determined to make the other suffer. But what do you gain? Temporary satisfaction for your dark side? More trauma?
In the midst of conflict, if one is able to look out for you even if you act like a douchebag, value it. You might never cross someone like that anymore. It's rare. More rare than money that's for sure. Because you can always get more of those dirty papers, but you can't get back in time and act differently. You get to live with the regret or put yourself through the pain of self discipline. Regret is cheaper and it requires the least effort, no wonder our society is filled with it instead of love.
This is my latest article from my personal blog
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