Hey girl! It took a lot of courage, I was wondering if I should share the whole thing. But then I realized that maybe someone will feel uplifted and motivated to change after reading my journey. I know I felt uplifted when I have read similar stories I could relate to.

Triggers are always there and always ours to solve. But when you dealt with abuse of any form from a young age you no longer see the difference. You hold on. And boy did I hold on, enduring more and more in hopes for that person to change. Now I realize that when I was like this I was recreating a childhood pattern of the helpless girl waiting for the main authority figure to change. This made me blind to red flags and made me give more as I was treated worse. It is always from a healed place where you can begin to admit that you are grieving for the absence of connection you never had. The one with your dad or with your mother for the men.

I suffered and made others suffer. But I feel that we awaken and heal in our own rythm. I tried to rush the process, to force myself to forget the guy, the trauma. It does not work. I tried to imagine a miraculous day when I will receive apologies or something magical will happen. It does not work. Reality is what it is. We can heal and admit that we deserve at least the love we first give to ourselves and extra! I love myself so much more now, I would not tolerate all of the emotional abuse I took in the past. And people who belong in our lives will reflect how much we have healed. So work on yourself and let the Universe handle the rest.
Big hugs🤗🤗