Birds teach us about freedom when they fly beyond the fences we have built. This poetic phrase came into my mind and stuck with me during one of my nature walks. I like to observe the woods and I find it so amazing how a tiny creature like a bird can fly wherever it pleases, being free and wild. I thought about all of the less or more luxurious homes people have built, surrounding themselves with solid fences, like this would be a guarantee of no harm happening. There are more dramas tearing people inside a home than outside, where nobody sees beyond the pretty borders. Are we doing the same with our inner world? What fences have you built?
There is a healthy benefit in having space. A quiet intimate happy corner where you can retreat when you need time off from everything. I believe that many people have this inside or at least they are struggling to find it throughout their lives. But for connection to happen, that kind of meaningful, long lasting one, we desire intimacy. Closeness. No fences and no hiding. We dream about roaming free as a bird around someone's soul and we want to see their whole garden. We want to feel that we are the ones who deserve this privilege. We want to know about every flower, every thorn, every weed and every seed. We want to participate and be included. We want their garden to be our garden. We want to feel that we matter enough for that other person. But for those who experienced trauma, sadness, harm or violence, it is very hard to tear off the fence. Although it looks like the perfect shield from intruders, it also becomes a prison. You can't get out while you refuse others to get in. Intimacy and love traded for security and solitary soul confinement. All of a sudden, your garden isn't paradise anymore. It is irresistable to hold on to familiar misery rather than taking a chance on novelty. But what if there is a whole world beyond your mental line of demarcation?
Fences don't guarantee anything. The illusion of safety is just that: an illusion. A trick the mind is playing in order to give us a sense of control. Emotions, feelings, intuition, can't be fully controlled. They need to be embraced. If we would allow ourselves to be as free as a bird in relationships, the world would be a better place.You see, a bird won't stay where she doesn't like it. She can pick her garden and fly wherever she pleases. Wherever she feels welcomed. We often think that letting the fence down means that we will allow everybody. That is wrong. Becoming more open emotionally does not equal with becoming naive.
Is your garden a beautiful place for a bird to come and stay? Is it well taken care of, welcoming and warm? The weeds from the past can't be a good thing, they have to be fully removed if you want vulnerability and honesty. The thorns from the wounds will painfully pierce others who have no fault, there's no room for them in a good garden. Are there seeds for the future, dreams, hopes, ideals that you would love to share with someone? A garden always needs new seeds and new flowers in order to bloom again.
Before complaining that there are no birds in a world full of forests, we should look at our own garden and our fences. The birds have always been there, but you can't catch and keep an opportunity when your mind is busy with stacking bricks for a wall. Now all of a sudden, you might wonder: how many birds flew above your garden and you didn't care enough for them to stay? How would your garden transform if you would start working on it today?
Have a lovely day and toodle loo!