What if from now on you would know that solitude is all you have left until you'll die? How would you embrace a destiny where you are all alone? The question of solitude is often seen as the big scary monster. Nobody likes to be alone for too long. Although it sounds scary to deal with such a feeling, maybe that's how some of us have been living all along.
I wonder which of the two is worse: being alone with nobody around or alone when with somebody. In the first case there is a feeling of helplessness, worry and a dose of self pity. If I would die today, would anybody even notice? Would anybody even care? You wake up day after day and start to realize that you can find a path towards yourself when no one is looking. In complete solitude you can fall in the depths of depression and climb the mountains of self change. You can grow from your pain. You can feel forgotten, but at least you have not forgotten how important are you. You and what's inside. In the second situation the feeling of suffering is more intense. You are surrounded by people who are deaf in front of your words. Nobody understands you although you're screaming for understanding. There is a lot of living the life on repeat and pretending that you are ok when you are with people and feel alone. The sensation of solitude comes from the unsatisfied desire for closeness. You want people to care, you want them to ask questions, to treat you gently, to show affection and compassion. But years of research have shown that people think 99% of the time only about themselves. The rest in between... should we call them relationships?
The view over solitude depends from what peak you're looking. There are a lot of families where people seem happy only to discover at a closer look years of bottled up frustrations. If unhealthy interactions with glimpses of happiness are the alternative to a life of loneliness, would you take it? Would you prefer to fight back and forth, cry, suffer and then make peace just to feel like you are not alone? Happy relationships are work. Parent - child, husband-wife, sister-brother etc. They all come with ups and downs. At the end of their lives many would have suffered 90% only to have been happy for far too little. From decades of living with a loved one, many have spent most of the times fighting, throwing daggers towards one another and then making up. Is this the best alternative that we have? Does solitude seem so bad in comparison with emotional exhaustion and suffering which comes with relationships?
Sometimes we wake up wanting to believe in love, in people, in making things right. Sometimes we embrace our solitude knowing that there is nobody around to turn their back on us and hurt us. We embrace everything we think we have chosen consciously. We like to think that we have chosen love, life, solitude, companionship, when the truth is that most of the times we have only chosen ourselves and all the plethora of emotions which comes with it. Some call this life, some call it hell. It is hard to find a patch for solitude when life feels like a bleeding wound. Either way, we're all departing the Planet at a certain point so we might as well accept the ride, the wounds, the joy, the pain.
This is the latest article from my personal blog
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