Sam's mother always made Christmas dinner for the family.
One year, the guest list numbered twenty-seven. They had a living room that opened into the den,so there was always room if you put the tables lengthwise.
That year the guest list included a Rabbi,and he only ate kosher food.Bacon wrapped shrimp were not on his list. Sam's mother made him a fish course. He didn’t mind that the fish was cooked in the same kitchen as the bacon. He ate it.He was hungry.
Sam's mother never did anything unless she put her whole heart and soul into it. She had to make everything by herself, and she liked to cook a lot of courses. She’d set the hors d'oeuvres up in the dining room.
After eating the appetizers and the soup, They got down to dinner. Sam's mom always made a big turkey because you never knew if the Russian Army was going to arrive at their front doorstep. I mean no offense to the Russian people, or the Russian army, but this Christmas dinner happened during the Cold War.
His mom’s stuffing was the best. It was so good that the next day,his mom and him would have stuffing sandwiches. That’s right, stuffing between two slices of Wonder Bread, forget the turkey, and welcome to the fifties!
The Rabbi ate a fish course,no turkey, and she was so tired of eating that she didn’t eat any turkey, she just ate appetizers and dessert.
Twenty-five people came down with food poisoning. The rest of them were deadly ill for days. None of them earlier had ever heard the term e.coli,all they knew was that sam, his dad, and brother were running to the bathroom all night and the next day.
What’s wonderful about this Christmas?
Around three o’clock in the morning, Sam's dad and him met at the doorway to the upstairs bathroom at the same time. Like the shootout at the Okay Corral, one of them was going down.He was probably about seven or eight.
Sam's dad went to the downstairs bathroom leaving him to throw up in peace.
Afterwards:
Sam's mother was a Balaboosta, a word in Yiddish that means something like a perfect homemaker, a wonderful mother, a supreme cook, and gracious hostess. A balaboosta does it all, and she does it well. I’m 100% sure that Sam's mother’s spine was made out of piss and vinegar.
The next morning she went to Stop & Shop and explained to the store manager, in no uncertain terms, exactly what had happened as a result of buying the turkey from that store.
She got her money back and lots of free things that the manager threw in to keep her quiet so as to avoid scaring all the customers out of the store.
