Been away for a few days. Seemed to have found myself down a black hole with the demons again. Didn't feel like doing much of anything. No socialization. No phone calls. No going outside. Just sat in it and festered.
Not sure where it came from. I was doing just fine. Working on cleaning out the garage and shed. Was on the final stretch and all. But the day after I did a big push on them, I just crashed into a darkness. That's how it works sometimes. No warning. No obvious trigger. Just suddenly you're in the hole looking up at the light wondering how you got there.
Finally working on pulling out of it. Went to the counselor. We talked about my rear view mirror being too big. Spending too much time looking in it. Living in the past instead of the present. We also talked about how the mind does this for a reason though. And that I should start journaling down my thoughts when I do this. Explore and flush things out. May give it a try. Not sure. Have a journaling notebook next to my chair. So could try it. Not much of a writer. More of a typer. She encouraged writing it though. So why not?
Was able to get out of the house today with the wife and go visit my son. Really brought in the bright light to my inner being. I needed it. Have a doc appointment tomorrow with dermatology. Be nice to get out of the house again. Son should come over after and help me some more on the shed and garage.
Sorry to rain on anyone's parade with this dark crap. But we all go through it I guess. Some more than others. Some deeper than others. The point is to keep pulling yourself back out. Keep showing up. Keep moving toward the light even when everything in you wants to stay in the dark.
That's where I am. Pulling out of the black hole. Fighting the demons. One step at a time.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes:
-All content is mine unless otherwise annotated.
-Images are my own unless otherwise noted.
-Photos edited using Linux photo editor and drawing and/or iPhone SE.
-Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
