Something like this often happens, when I travel into cities or new places; I absorb the collective projected-reality, and forget my divine roots or my access to infinite energy and wisdom, which is embodied and sovereign at all times and in all situations.
So it takes a moment to adjust; I sit in this projection of ‘feeling older’, which exhibits/ expresses as stiff-jointed and puffy-faced in the morning, with accumulating mysterious aches and pains, which I can’t even tie down for a homeopathic remedy (even if I could remember where in the car the bag of homeopathic goodies are tightly ensconced). I feel wholly ‘old’ and begin to worry about where I am going and how things are going to work out there….
Until I realise that I don’t want to feel like that. And do something about it: nip it in the bud, before it gets its tendrils into my psyche and roots there. It takes a certain mastery of Life to resist this kind of ‘reality’, and to truly power through to a better pattern/ approach/ routine/ future. It is always so much easier to just take what society or the collective conscious (unconsciously) projects, and to live in a pre-ordained downward spiral. It is MUCH easier to feel bad than it is to feel good.
Feeling good takes more concentration and concerted effort in all directions at once. It takes responsibility and effort, consistency and attention to details, without which we simply swing back into that rut or ditch that is prepared for us. Thinking outside of the box also requires our STEPPING OUT OF IT: it necessitates ACTION and onwards velocity. Any loosening of this mastery will let the whole thing slip, and will result in reminders from the Universe that we are slacking.
To the conventional mind, this might sound like a sordid schooling system, but the divine reality of Living In Gift and being Sovereign is much gentler, pleasurable, fulfilling and fun. I know that this is a gross generalisation (that per forza cannot apply when we are stuck in belief that life happens ‘to’ us), but in my experience the Universe only treats us really ‘badly’ when it is trying to get our attention – and we are ignoring it, or thinking negatively about it, or refusing to take the reins. When we think correctly about how Life and the Universe work, and our own Right place as Co-Creators within a bigger fabric of Reality, then we are rewarded.
To the average ‘modern’ ‘western’ mind, again, this might seem like the old hierarchical way; certain behaviours being prized, others punished. The Universe is much more subtle than that, much more organic and genius: and we are in the middle of it, pulling and pushing within the textile-of-all-things. God/ Divine Intelligence/ The Living Universe responds to EVERYTHING we do, think, feel, say, presume, project – so whether or not things turn out well REALLY DOES depend on whether or not we are expecting them to – BUT IT ALSO depends on how thoroughly we have worked through our blocks, our ‘stuff’ and how holistically we are viewing and intending into reality.
That last part had me a little tangled still: how to we balance selfishness and selflessness; the right measure of giving and receiving, or of trying and letting go. That seems to only come when we are more in the moment: it seems able to unfold only spontaneously and improvisedly.
When I was with my last partner, I made multifarious attempts to create big change in my life/ our lives; his reaction (every time) can be summarised by a quote he once made, that “not all change is for the better”. On its own, this statement would have been relatively benign, but in the context of dark negative vibes, and an aggressively oppressive general demeanour, this was a very strong dreamspell to break.
I struggled to break this dreamspell on my own. One can only gain so much momentum alone, particularly when one is deeply immersed in the fabric of a rigidly conservative culture. I thought myself immune to that rigidity, but we are all affected by our environment to some degree – especially by the energetic body of the collective conscious: people around us have a significant impact on us, and our capacity to convince ourselves that they don’t is a major issue for us being held back/ held in old patterns.
It took Vincent’s arrival to activate the fullness of my Knowing that I could change everything. It sometimes takes others, to trigger massive change. It takes a great deal of co-creative juju to bring about such a big movement to change a life completely. Perhaps moreso as we get older. My younger years were full of big upheaval, and I could make a decision about a new life overnight: moving country was nothing, nor was immersing myself in a new language – I approached it as if I were jumping into a lovely wild swimming pool, all crystal clear and warm and deliciously clean, in the middle of a bright summery day.
But since owning my own home, that easy leap seemed infinitely more complicated…. Until it didn’t any more. Having a symbiotic partner-for-life made everything profoundly and efficiently straightforward: within a week we were sharing a bed, within a fortnight mi casa e su casa, at three weeks we were decided to move, and at four we booked the ferry – five weeks after meeting we are halfway to Portugal, and a wholly new life together, I with mostly what I need in my wee (much better functioning, thanks to his support with retyring and fixing the engine!) car, and mindheartspirits entwined in positive forward movement.
We need very little, and we have huge amounts of resources and wealth. Our intelligence and enthusiasm are freed up, and we own our time individually and together. The road is open, with no time limits or deadlines or impossible road blocks. We even drove straight off of the ferry without going through customs – no need to explain homeopathic remedies or herbs or kefir jars! Hehehe… Onwards we go, into the unknown, Knowing that the road is rising up to meet our feet (and wheels), and knowing that we are making it beautiful. E basta.
