To You, Lonely Endless River

You make me feel comfortable in a way I never thought I could be. Not just comfortable, but comforted.
Like being here is okay, like I can breathe, like I finally feel right in my own skin.
You give me a courage I've never known before, to face down my own demons and to not give up on myself.
I feel like I can just be free with you, my actual self, the side that no one ever sees because I'm afraid of being hurt.
I've lived a life of fantasies and make believes and you bring me back to earth.
You speak to me like I'm somehow worthy of you, yet you keep me waiting for hours and days until you reply.
Sometimes you make me so sure that everything can go right, then you turn around a leave me hanging.
I love the way you make me feel, like a teenager anxious to stay up all night talking to a girl on the phone.
You also make me scared like I'll say the wrong thing and you'll be gone forever or you will realize I not worthy of you and you'll leave while you can.
I couldn't hold it against you, no matter how hard I try.
I don't know if I would change things if I could.
You drive me crazy when you disappear, but every time you come back online my heart pounds in my ears, I feel alive.
I'm most afraid that there's something sinister lurking beneath, that you'll hurt me the way I fear but it's exhilarating when you speak to me.
You don't sound the way I had perceived in my mind, your bright and cheerful voice brings light into my life.
I wish I could hear it more, but right now you're busy working somewhere across the map.
I'm afraid you might see this and know how far I've fallen, that it might scare you to see me bleed myself for you.
I fear you, you've freed me from this solipsistic life I've been living by being someone who must be real.
I just need to know your everything.!!