I'm coming now back from Lieksa and we're actually going back again soon in the signs of more family stuff: a funeral and a birthday celebration. The one who died, I wasn't too close with personally, but me and my dad were asked to attend the funeral and carry the coffin, so of course we are going.
I like visiting there, because it connects me more where I originally come from, and where all my dad's family comes from. And that's the side I've always connected better. Though the more I've connected with them, the more I've learned that they have their own cracks and conflicts between each others.
I have good relationships with everyone and I'm not one to hold grudges. I'm equipped with an agreeable nature, but I've learned not to be so afraid of disagreements as I tend not to have a competition mindset anyway, so they rarely end up badly.
But I have a feeling some from my family have a tendency to avoid conflict in avoidance of the discomfort it causes - one member has even openly expressed this.
Avoiding conflict is a pretty bad tendency as it results with lessen communication. And when people talk less openly to each others, they start analyzing each other's behavior - which rarely ends up well as people tend to have biases when making attributions about other people.
Furthermore, you have little idea what goes through someone else's head. Hell, you might be unaware even of your own thoughts; whatever ugly there is, you might be denying it, avoiding it. Consciously or unconsciously. You know, all that Freudian shit.
And when we are not aware of even ourselves, go figure what the hell it inside someone else's head that makes one do whatever the things one does.
In any case, making negative attributions - judging someone just evil or an asshole - doesn't really do anything, but breed hatred. Only way to potentially make someone willingly change their unwanted behavior is to tell them about it. Not by attacking them as an enemy, but more like with the attitude of an honest friend. Otherwise people won't notice from their narrow point of view how their behavior affects other people.
Btw, the picture on this one is me climbing on to a rock that was on a resting place on the way to Lieksa. Dad took it on a whim with a phone, but it turned out rather aesthetic. Well done, dad!
