I'm upset
One Thursday night in November, specifically November 12, 1990.
I was sitting in the corner of my bed having dinner, and watching TV, it was around 8 o'clock at night, and my phone rang, it was my dad's number, as it was regular to receive his call I answered normally. But on the other side I did not hear his voice, but the voice of a woman, it was a desperate voice that I could not understand anything, and between sobs and screams I understood after a long time, that it was my dad's wife telling me that my dad had had an accident.
I don't know where the plate of food went, I jumped out of my bed and started to call my brother on the phone and he answered and told me:
-Calm down.
-They already called me, I'm on my way to find you to see what happened.
I told my mother and my brother arrived immediately and we went to the place we were told to go.
On the way we passed an ambulance that was speeding by, and I felt my legs and body shaking in a way that I cannot explain.
When we arrived at the place it was a very shocking scene.
My dad's car was hit head-on by a larger car and was stuck to the bumper of my dad's car. The people who were at the scene had grabbed the driver so that he would not leave the place.
What my eyes saw was a very shocking scene, when I asked desperately for my dad, he had already been taken away in the ambulance because he was bleeding a lot.
I left other family members with my dad's I left other family members with my dad's body, put the irresponsible man in the car with my brother and we left very quickly for the hospital.
When we arrived and asked about my dad's health and saw him I started to cry, it had been a very bad accident for him, since he was lying in the back of his car and at that moment the other car that was coming at high speed hit my dad's car causing the wheel of his car to pass over his hip.
My dad was taken to the operating room and underwent emergency surgery.
In that long wait I was sitting in the waiting room, and a few meters away was the irresponsible man who crashed into him talking on the phone.
He said.
-Well I just crashed, you know how I drive, at full speed. It's not my fault that's how I drive.
When I looked up my brother at once grabbed me, because I was so upset that I wanted to give him the biggest slap of his life, so to speak.
My brother's words were again Calm down.
-My response was I'm upset.
Within a few hours my father was out of surgery and was stable.
He had to stay in the hospital because it was pretty rough and he couldn't walk because he had just had femur surgery.
As the days went by my father's condition was not very good, after the accident he only lasted 8 days.
That day for me was paralyzing, I felt that everything around me stopped, I felt that time did not exist, that the oxygen around me was exhausted, that there was no gravity, as if my legs stopped irrigating blood and I fainted falling to the floor.
From that moment on I stopped feeling that I was me, and that everything that came out of me was pure pain.
I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone, I responded to everyone in an unbearable way.
All I did was annoy anyone who tried to approach me.
It was an annoyance that I felt infinite and that everyone should feel the same, I didn't care at all how my behavior and words made them feel.
I felt that nothing mattered, and I felt that this pain could only end if something equal to or worse than what had happened to my father happened.
The man guilty of the accident, I felt I had to pay for what I had done.
That pain that man had sown in me had made me plunge into a darkness where I did not see what he was doing to me or what he was causing to those around me.
I had to live with that for a long time, until I had to learn to let go and forgive.
I had to learn to live with it, and to let life itself do with him what was already written for him.
I learned to live with the beautiful memories of my dad, and with all the beautiful things he taught me in life.
It was a long road, but today I learned that no matter how much darkness others make us live in, we cannot let ourselves be submerged. We must continue to shine and be a light for others.
Today I live my day to day life with the smile that my father always wore on his face.
Photos from my gallery.
