Not a hole,
Not a void that he left behind,
but a monolith,
a single massive stone, a rock,
within touching distance - within reach! -
but no,
don't touch it, don't even try,
just breathe in
and yes, go ahead and cry,
and shake your fist at the sky,
and let the waves crash into the monolith,
surge and smash,
subside,
subside,
yes, it will subside,
until the next wave rises fast and high
without warning
no flash of light, no blare of sound,
just the MONOLITH right there
right where you stand, where you sit, where you sleep,
whenever you least expect it,
so off you go
barefoot, in the dirt, in the dark of night,
listening, remembering,
Those eyes! Huge! Genuine! Joyous!
Look to the stars,
Keep looking to the sky, not at THE ROCK,
Breathe in again, feel the wind,
your day to touch the rock will come,
but for now your feet embrace the earth
as your eyes fill up with the sky
and your heart encompasses it all,
in tune with the beating of your heart,
your heart that beats like those waves
slapping the rock
beat by beat
hour by hour
year by year
HE IS HERE, he is near!
And you need not shout, for he can hear.
He is with you.
Always.
Your son.

ok, this is why I don't write poetry.
But I hope it conveys how deeply I feel the pain you describe so vividly and so well!

{{hugs}}