Howdy my fellow Splinterlandians!
It's time for Server Maintenance...
Let me pause here because I have to be honest... I hate spelling the word "Maintenance" 😡
I'm always Mainta... Maintene... sigh... Main. Te. Nance... Maintenance. F.
Anyways... It's time for Server Maintenance so I figured I would take a moment to type up the weekly #Splinterlands #Battle #Report for my glorious Alpha Edition PokeyBoi - the Spineback Turtle.
Awww look how cute he is 😍
While my Spineback Turtle is an Alpha Edition, it is also just a lowly Level 1.
One day I may afford more and be able to level him up to a REALLY PokeyBoi at Level 4.
At level 4 he gets the ability Thorns and compared to a L1 he has an additional +1 Armor and +1 Health!
I do not rent cards for my Battle Reports - I own them. This will take some time to accumulate 8 more Alpha Spinebacks but it's a worthy goal - at only 4 Mana this is a GREAT card to have in your inventory, especially because the Alpha Edition cards provide a DEC Bonus to your Wins!
Now let's take a look at our Battle Layout and then I'll break down the Board Positions 😃
For this battle you can see there was a Battle Mod: Equalizer. This sets the starting health of ALL Monsters... EQUAL to the HP of the HIGHEST HP on the field...
My opponent was Khouza and they showed up with a buncha FancyBois all Foily 'n stuff... I'm not jealous or anything...
Ok... maybe a little jealous...
Khouza picked Tarsa as their Summoner and was placed on top in the Battle Layout.
On the bottom... you have The People's Champ... the Battle Blogger with the mercurial quill... The one, THE ONLY... CAAAAAPTAIN DINGUS!
Hey that's me!!
Ok... well anyways... Let's continue with their layout...
They picked Tarsa, who adds +1 Atk and +1 Health to their Monsters...
In the Tank Position, they have a Level 3 Serpentine Soldier... If you're not familiar with Serpentine Soldier... Think Lava Monster... But not as good.
They're not BAD... They're just not GOOD (imo)... However, for 5 Mana and with "Equalizer" in effect... It's a pretty solid choice for the Tank Slot as it has the ability "Shield" which reduces all incoming Melee and Ranged Dmg... 10HP + Shield makes for a pretty thicccccc Tank! Normally...
In their #2 Slot: L1 Creeping Oooze - literally everyone should be familiar with Creeping Ooze at this point... If you don't have one... Go get one!
Why?? Here's why: They're 1 Mana. They're super useful. They fit anywhere. They have the ability "Slow" which gives the enemy team -1 Speed. Last but not least... They make GREAT Speed Bumps to put behind your tank to protect your Ranged and Magic Monsters!
Please... please take me home from the pet shop! 💩
In the #3 Slot is a L4 Foily Kobold Miner. I'm sure you've come across this sneaky lil pipsqueak before... oh yeah... We ALL have.
He's a STAPLE of Fire Decks becuase with a +1 Atk bump from Tarsa or Malric Inferno...
Side Note: Has anyone else noticed that the Water Summoner is Alric and the Fire Summoner is M-Alric... No? Just me? K.
With +1 Atk the Kobold Miner hits the rear enemy Monster for 2 Dmg at Lvl 1 and in this case, at L4... He's swinging at that booty for THREE Atk per turn!
In the #4 Slot another staple card of Fire decks and one of the opening artwork stars... Serpentine Spy. Khouza is flexxxxxin' on us with his Foily L4 SneakySnek...
The Serpentine Spy is always a good choice... For just 3 mana, at L1 you get a glass hammer with the Ability "Opportunity" which lets him attack the enemy monster with the LOWEST HP! It has 2 Atk, 3 Spd but only 1 HP so you need to protek the Snek! At L4 you get a slightly better glass hammer... It adds 2 Spd and 1 HP for a Total of 2 Atk, 5 Spd and 2 HP... Pretty good card for 3 Mana!
In the #5 Slot you have another sneaky fellow... the Elven Cutthroat... The Elven Cutthroat has "Sneak" and since it too is a FoilyBoi... at L4 it has 2 Atk, 4 Spd, 2 HP... Pretty solid choice for 3 Mana!
To round out their lineup, in the #6 Slot you have a Pyromaniac... A 6 Mana Monster that has 2 Rng, 4 Spd and 4 HP... and you guessed it... "Sneak"
You know... Judging from my opponents lineup... I'd say with all that Sneak... They likes the booty 😏
I mean... If this team was in a car accident... My money is DEFINITELY on them getting... rear... ended...
Don't leave me 😭
Now that we've discussed my opponent Khouza's lineup... Let's look at mine, shall we 😜
Here's the Board Layout again so you don't have to scroll back up 🙃
I wanted to use my Spineback Turtle for this Battle Report... Buuuut I also wanted to WIN... So I chose Valnamor for my Summoner... 🤷♂
Valnamor is a Legendary 5 Mana Summoner from Beta and gives the friendly team +1 Magic Atk, + 1 Spd and + 1 HP... #beefcake!!!
If you've made it this far... I think you can guess who's in the Tank Slot... Yup!! SPIIIIIIIIINEBACK TURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTLE!!!!!!
Crikey!! Look at'im, rearin' to go!! As dangerous as he is disturbing...
I've covered my PokeyBoi already so I'll move on to the next slot...
In the #2 Slot is... Djinn Oshannus! A Legendary 8 Mana Water Card that has 2 Mgc Atk, 5 Spd and 10 HP... paired with the Ability "Void" this guys is an ABSOLUTE UNIT and should be in almost every Water Deck where Magic is used!!
Putting him "2nd" makes him a Backup Tank... The High HP and Void paired with the 5 Spd make him REALLY hard to kill!
In this case, with Valnamor... he's 3 Mg Atk, 6 Spd & 11 HP... 😵
Seriously, LOOK 👀... He's dummy thic and stupid useful... They're only like $10 at the moment (they were $50+) Go buy one, STAT!
Buy one here: https://peakmonsters.com/market
That's not a shill or reflink... that's just good ol' CaptainDingus helping you out... you're welcome 😝
In the #3 Slot behind Big Booty Djudy Oshannus is... another of my prized possessions... A Level 2 Alpha Mischievous Mermaid!
I bought her when I first started because it was WAY underpriced compared to the market... solid buy, super useful...
Kinda looks like a Green, Mermaid-y, Ariana Grande...
And now you can't unsee that...
Why did I put Mischievous-ana Grande in the #3 Slot???
2 Mg Atk, 4 Spd and 4 HP make her a FANTASTIC choice for any Water Deck with a Magic Atk boosting Summoner!
With Valnamor... that's 3 Atk, 5 Spd and 5 HP!!! Holy moly!
Coming up at #4 is my Coral Wraith... For 4 Mana... you get 2 Mg Atk, 2 Spd and 2 HP at L1... Plus "Sneak"... Khouza's not the only butt pirate here!
With ValKilmerNamor that's 3 Mg Atk, 3 Spd, 3 HP & Sneak... for FOUR MANA! Yowza!
Ol' Frieza lookin' ass boi...
I half expect to hear some whiney, raspy "y0u FoOlZ!! tHiS iSn'T eVeN mY fInAl FoRm!!!" coming from the damn Coral Wraith every time I play it 😒
After Frieza... err Coral Wraith... I have an Axemaster in the #5 Slot...
I'm sure you've won (and lost) many a game to the Axe Master...
7 Mana... 2 Rng, 4 Spd, 5HP at L1... with "Double Strike"... So he does that 2 Dmg... TWICE... Each. Turn.
Put him in the back to Protek himb 😐... duh.
In the #6 Slot... for EXTRA PROTEKT... Venari Wavesmith!
Like... he literally has the ability "Protect" which gives ALL friendly Monsters +2 Armor!
Throw him in the mix to make your lads a bit crunchy on the outside and with Valnamor he's a 2 Mg Atk, 3 Spd, 4 Health stud for only 5 Mana!
At this point... you might have guessed how this battle plays out... and you'd be VERY correct if you guessed it was a savage beatdown by the Blue Gang with the Spineback Turtle coming out on top, victorious!
Here's a reenactment of the battle with all the Magic Atk flying around:
Well... something like that anyway...
Take a look for yourself if you'd like to watch the replay 😁
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_4e5f6843a7d3a3430478ac4041f8630b&ref=captaindingus
Come join me in my favorite #playtoearn game and I hope to see you on the battlefield!
As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it 😀
Have a great day, I'll see you next time...
Cheers 🍻,
