Again and again and again...

I’ve been gone for quite a while now.
I thought of coming back a few times but I was no longer sure how.
I’ve been at my lowest yet again and all I could do is pick myself back up over and over and over and over...
I don’t know how to describe it anymore...
I don’t know what to feel anymore...
I’ve been back to square one a thousand times or more.
One moment I see myself doing better and then poof!, next thing I know I have to try again.

I wanna share positivity and be an inspiration and more along that line but how can I do that when I can’t even feel it myself?
Don’t get me wrong, I want to. I really want to. But is it supposed to be this hard?

I laugh. A lot actually. I smile like nothing’s wrong but deep inside I wanna cry for help. I wanna say I’m not ok but whenever I’m not, I can’t get myself to say it. Heck, I’ve even thought of seeking for professional help.
But what do I tell them? I don’t know. I’m scared. I always tell myself, one day I will.
But when? I don’t know.

Right now, all I know is I’m still trying. I will always continue to try. Over and over and over again. I will try.

Thank you, @klborillo, @jon24jon24, @rjd, @gheghenrv, @tentalavera for reaching out. For telling me you miss me. It means a lot. More than you thought it could affect me. I miss you guys! Now I know I’m not forgotten. I’m glad. I know it’s cheesy and all that, but really, thank you so much!