I purposely skipped a goal yesterday. Shortly before the finish line. I was aiming at my first monthly author badge and skipped yesterdays posting. That made me lose this badge. I woke up this morning with a moment of feeling regret. I was close, a few posts left and I would have had it.
And here is the thinking error. I posted 24 days straight, skipped one and continue today. Just because it is a counting mechanism makes me not receive the badge as a monthly author. But you know what?
Waking up regretting that I skipped a day made me realize that my Ego is tricking me. It downplayed 24 days of posting. One single day shall ruin 24 days? Not with me I thought. I am proud to have reached 24 days of continuous posting. Just to be able to take a look at the HiveBuzz badge which is an awesome project, don't get me wrong is a demand of my EGO but not necessarily of my self.
Sure it would be nice to look at this little cute bee telling others, or rather myself, that I did a good job. But I did a good job already, it is just a picture on a screen to pet my Ego. It doesn't tell anything about me other that I have posted every single day of a month.
It shows something about your will some might say. Does it?
Sure I could have thrown out a random post yesterday to stay on track. But that's another thinking error. This badge shows that you posted every single day of one consecutive month, but it does not show the quality of your post! To receive the badge I could have made a heartless, thoughtless post to just have thrown something out.
End of story, morning glory. Maybe that would have been a smart thing but I did not do it yesterday. ON PURPOSE! I just didn't feel like writing or posting yesterday. I just didn't and that is ok. Who is pressuring me here? Just myself...wait it is not even my self...it is my EGO putting the pressure on me.
It tells me you are just good enough and competitive if you post every day to own a certain badge. You know what?
I feel liberated for not receiving this badge this month because I pushed my Ego back yesterday. I allowed myself and my self to skip a day. To follow my feeling, to enjoy yesterday without going online. And today I'm still alive and doing well. I can write about it, I can let you know that it's ok to not post everyday just for the sake of posting. I can tell you that certain things seem to make us happy when they only for a moment make our Egos happy.
Do you think I would have felt great the rest of my time when pushing through the days and receiving the badge? I can tell you that I would have been proud in a way and happy for a moment. It would have said "MONTHLY AUTHOR". But I can tell you this feeling would have vanished rather quickly. It would have moved for the feeling of now I have to do it again to receive another one because the little number tells I just did it once.
Pressure on Baby! It would have not been enough to just receive the badge. Just with the Weekly author badge my Ego would have been longing for more...for the little number to rise, to add up, to reach the next and the next.
That is not me anymore, it is my Ego taking over and while pushing ourselves to reach certain goals is fine, receiving the badge would not change anything besides polishing my Ego for a moment.
Hive is a place where I can discover myself, my self and a lot of other things. People, topics, projects, crypto, social media you name it. Hive shall not become a super competitive thing for me. If I don't feel like posting one day it should be totally fine. And it is!
It should be for everyone!
We are not going to die when we don't post one day. The only thing that is dying is our Ego. By allowing ourselves to be "weak" we show strength. We show that we understood the difference of doing something because it needs to be done for a legit purpose or of doing something because we want our Ego to be satisfied. But an Ego can not be satisfied ever.
An Ego is always longing for more once it reached something. It is like a drug dealer. You started and once you lose control you want more and more and more. The Ego wants more and more and more, higher, faster, better. That's the nature of it and in certain situations it is fine.
The biggest accomplishment we can achieve for ourselves these days is to overcome our own Egos. Just for once. Once we achieved that other things are put in perspective. We realize that not everything our Ego tells us is right. By overcoming our own Ego for one moment we realize that we still keep existing. I did not vanish because I let my Ego down yesterday. I'm still here and feel even more liberated in a way by not receiving the badge I aimed for.
A badge which only purpose would have been to brag about posting 31 days straight. Just to wake up to it wanting more because of the little number next to it.
I'm not judging those who receive that badge, and one day I might too. But then it will be because I felt like posting every day and not because I felt like just posting to receive a badge. I will receive it one day not because of my Ego but because it just happens.
I get it if someone might raise the question why I'm posting here anyways, isn't it all Ego driven? Maybe, in the end I wanna reach someone and yes, I do want to "earn" coins.
But it is a less Ego driven thing than to receive something just to have it. With my posts I wanna make people smile, read, think, discuss, even one day reach out to me for advise or help or maybe to offer a job or just to make friends in a way. I want to bring myself to think about me and certain things and if it wouldn't have been for this badge I might have not gotten to the point of realizing this time my Ego was driving me and I felt bad because my Ego was not satisfied. I overcame it and sure enough I did not feel bad anymore, but proud.
While not achieving the badge, I achieved even more.
Little by little I will become more aware of it and whenever I get the chance I will work on overcoming my Ego when necessary. I'm sure I will feel better whenever I do.
©bulldog-joy
