When it comes to jokes, it is something I engage in very well. As a matter of fact, if you are my friend and I’ve not used something of yours to crack a joke or two at one time or the other, we are probably not close enough.
That is the beauty of friendship, the kind of offenses you can allow to slide is different from what you receive from others. The very same thing others will say to you that will make you punch them in the face, if someone else were to say it to you you’ll laugh it off. Your friend can body-shame you blatantly, and you might either laugh or insult them in turn. A few seconds later, you both move on and forget about it.
This is because of familiarity. You know your friends, and you know that even that insult they are giving is not from a place of malice or evil intention. They just thought of something funny and said it to make you laugh. Other times, it could be to annoy you mildly. When you know these things, it’s easier to let it all go and move on.
But then, because you know your friends, there are times when they will make a joke that will transcend the usual and really hit you. We all have had that experience at one time or the other before, I am no different. There was a time I ignorantly shot myself in the foot and placed the injured foot in my mouth.
I had a bad orientation with asthma patients. I had a classmate back in secondary school, this girl found joy in telling everyone that she was asthmatic, she couldn’t breathe well and her lungs had one issue or the other.
But get this, she was always carrying Vicks Inhaler around. That menthol inhaler that you use when you have cold and catarrh to clear your runny nose. This was what she was carrying always and it looked nothing like the inhaler asthmatic patients used. But then, what did we know? If she said she was asthmatic who were we to argue?
She told us about how she couldn't be in a place where they were frying palm oil or peppery sauce, but at the end of the day, this girl would join those who sweep our class. You know how government school can be very dusty, she swept good and fine.
I’m not saying she didn’t have asthma, her type might have been a different one from the type we all are used to. All I’m saying is that her case made me see asthma as something that was not really serious. Probably like a minor headache and not at all life-threatening. This was my mindset for a very long time. That was until I met another asthma patient in my Higher Institution.
When this guy told me he was asthmatic, my mind immediately went back to that girl in my secondary school and I brushed it off. It couldn’t be that serious. My stance didn’t change even when I saw him use the actual inhaler one time. I made fun of him when he gave excuses for not being able to do certain things. And this was not once or twice. But every time, he would just keep quiet and continue what he was doing. He didn’t have the strength to show me the light. Now that I’m remembering it all, I’m sure he was thinking in his mind;
Lord, forgive this guy, he does not know what he is doing!
My epiphany came one day, it was during the last days toward exams and we were having mostly free periods. We and a group of friends went to an empty class to charge phones. It turned out the class had been empty for a while and was dusty, so we cleaned a bench close to the socket, and sat. Even this my friend.
But then, in every group, there will always be that one person that feels the need to be Hygiene Police. We were engaged in a discussion when the person decided to clean the cobwebs directly above us. This cobweb was wrapped around a ceiling fan and he was going to use a stick to dislodge it.
And while doing that, he hit the blade of the fan, and dust fell like rain on all of us. And that was when I was shocked to my bone! While we were all busy cursing the guy and beating dust off our hair, my asthmatic friend was fighting for his life. Clutching at his chest with one hand as he struggled to search for his inhaler with his other.
His face got darker and his mouth fell open. When he pulled out the inhaler, it slipped from his grip and fell to the floor. Then, it was as if he was going into cardiac arrest. We had to pick it up and place it into his mouth, on which he sucked it as a baby would suck on its mother’s nipple.
After that, we carried him outside, away from the dust. Throughout that episode, I was dazed and shocked. Right in front of my eyes, this guy had almost died. And I was just remembering all the time I was making fun of his condition. I know it had been out of ignorance, but that doesn’t take away. I felt really bad for a long time after that as if I was the one that caused him to have the attack. Anytime I remembered the jokes I made about it, it really hurt me. It’s a miracle he continued being my friend through it all.
Well, as you can guess, after that event, I changed and started picking my words carefully. I realized that asthma was quite serious after all and I started treating him as such.
Would you believe that was when I finally got a response from him? He said he preferred it when I was making jokes and being carefree with him, that then was more fun. Now, I was treating him like an egg and something fragile, and he didn’t like it at all. Because one thing he hated was pity, and my actions made it seem like I was pitying him.
But that was not my plan, after what I saw him go through, I couldn’t just revert to my old ways as if nothing happened. But still, I had to tone it down. Knowing what I knew, I tried to take up my joking manner once more, it took more than a year before I could comfortably make a light joke about his condition again. But I kept it very light, and I don’t do it often.
He is my very good friend, and he is doing quite well in life. He doesn’t see asthma as a disability or something life-threatening, so it pisses him off when others do and treat him as such. So, I had to find the balance. And till today, we are waxing as strong as ever.
But I’ve learned my lesson though, no disease or ailment is too small. And should not be taken lightly at all.
