Dear Xfinity, thanks for emailing me this incredible offer! I can imagine how hard it is to pay to waste my time. I opened your email and was truly enticed at the opportunity to binge watch free of charge! Your generosity is overwhelming.
I am going to have to decline. I find myself more concerned about the loneliness, obesity, and isolation that your product is helping to stimulate in our culture, then spending a week being self absorbed. That leads me to depression, apathy, general laziness...and no friends...and I do not like that.
Good luck with your marketing scheme. I hope your manipulation of peoples pain goes well.