This past Summer, I have had a series of experiences and diverse thoughts about what it means to be powerful. I've written about some of those thoughts in the last few months. But my vocational worklife is such that I get plenty of time connecting with young people (18-25). One of my greatest desires is to help people encounter their greatness and exhort them to see their greatness multiplied through out their spheres of influence.
In this process, my wife and I have been gripped by this reality that we can build powerful kids. We do not have to wait until they grow up. I can help my 4 kids lay a foundation that will propel them to become world changers and history writers. The problem, is its requiring effort, focus, and skill. These three areas all of which my wife and I are doing our best to dialogue with each other and build into our lives.
That being said - I am going to be posting under the tag of #powerfulkids and would love to invite you to use the tag or follow along, if you want to read on my experiences, or want to share your own from you parenting journey I would love that.
Where are your child's Heart Times?
If you are a parent you know that your kids are diverse, dynamic and always changing. With that being said their needs in different seasons of life are evolving as well. Because of that I want to ask you, do you know where your child's heart time is?
I define a heart time as the safe place where you can connect with your child's heart. Where you get into what is really going on in their brains and in their emotions. I learned pretty quickly that my 4 kids all have had different heart times and that one thing will not work for all of them. For example, bed time.
I have always made it a point of snuggling my kids, reading to them and tucking them into bed. This is a 30-45 minute process that can turn into a reverse hostage situation pretty quickly of me trying to keep them in bed. However, early on it was a great time for my kids, especially when they were younger (1-5 range) to enjoy me, enjoy reading and quiet down to sleep. While, we will continue to do this, the older two have in many ways evolved out of this being really that impactful (at least that I am aware of it). I actually started getting frustrated, b/c I would ask questions to my oldest as we were snuggling and she would give me these one word answers, and want to read one of her books. I would let her read, feeling discouraged and generally end it early and let her read till she fell asleep.
My second kid, is a bit odd, eccentric, and a bit of a wild man. When we finished reading he would say;
"thanks Dad"
turn over and say
"could you tuck me in"
and that was it.
I would crawl off his bunk bed again feeling a bit odd...
I finally starting asking my wife about it, she had some similar sentiments and so we set out to find our kids heart times.
it's a process - don't be discouraged
What we have found - is our oldest will open up when she feels a level of quality time. Im guessing this is partly because she has had to share mom and dad the most being the oldest - which can be hard. But my wife and I have found that just sitting with here on her bed after school, or at night while she is reading, or taking her out on a little date she will just start talking (it usually takes about 10 minutes) and some of our most intimate interactions have come in those moments. When she feels my undivided presence - her heart comes out.
Our second kid we have found thrives on verbal affirmation. I have started calling him 'Jack the Brave' and 'Slayer of Giants'. With him it't been more about creating his heart time. When I snuggled with him at night, I started trying to think through all the ways he was awesome that day (sometimes its a stretch : ) and for 30 seconds I will start snuggling him by telling him what I think of him and how amazing he is. It's created a heart time. I will also do it when I pick him up from school, or when he tries to tell me he is bored. More often then not, in these moments of affirmation he will tell me some hurt or fear thats on his mind...and bam parenting is on...
I make this sound like its easy, and for the sake of length I will not write about all the fails in the process of the above two paragraphs. Instead I want to encourage you to find each of your kids heart times.
Their need for a safe place is critical, and it's our job to provide that for our kids. The world is brutal, and we can be the first point of contact for them taking the world on and dominating. It's not about keeping them from the world but teaching them how to take it with courage.
Thanks for reading this, would love any feedback below! Specifically,
live big and dominate life today - its a choice