https://www.practicingpositive.com/if-were-not-growing/
If we’re not Growing, we’re dying…
As we labor through careers, relationships, or personal pursuits, we’re sometimes tempted to coast. And what is intended as a brief pause turns into a sort of extended holiday. Days turn to years as the miles pass by. Until, even the thought of resuming a real effort becomes weighty and unattractive.
We’ve weakened. Rusted.
For others, despite their fierce focus – or perhaps, because of it -matters take a harder turn sideways. Significant obstacles, or those just previously ignored, suddenly block their path. Whether simply unprepared, or just too slow to react, they careen off course and into the ditch.
They’ve crashed. Busted.
Or, perhaps the Universe just fights boredom on a random Tuesday afternoon.
One moment, we’re checking Insta while waiting in the ‘Bucks Drive-Up... Make it a venti caramel macchiato: six pumps of vanilla and no caramel drizzle, please…
And the next moment?
We’re punched hard in the face, dragged out of the vehicle, and smashed face-down on the pavement.
What just moments ago was deliciously, undeniably ours – Love, Health, Career, Stability – is in a single, terrifying second, ripped from our grasp and stolen away.
Slightly knocked off our game or outright plunged into chaos, our circumstances can change quickly. And it seems like when we’re the least prepared, that’s when we’re tested.
Either way, our personal progress grinds to a halt.
What To Do?
Some folks, when the storm begins – they take cover. They withdraw. Thery roll up the sidewalks and bar the doors. Block out the world and retreat deep into themselves. They brood on their circumstances and allow hurt, shame, and disappointment to fester in dark solitude.
Others lash out. They blame their friends, family, or a spouse for their misfortune. Anger and bitterness boil over like a toxic soup for the Soul that is served up blazing hot and in generous portions to themselves and all others.
And others still, when Life becomes tough? They lament and cry. Quickly depressed and overcome, they break down and break open. Their fragility laid bare on the rocks of adversity.
After a time, most of us attempt to crawl back to our feet. Buoyed by advice or forced by circumstances, we endeavor to Try Again. We set about to mend the shattered pieces of our Lives as best we can. Our stalled career. Our turbulent marriage. Our abandoned projects. The unpaid bills.
And then quickly, we turn away once we meet resistance. Sometimes when it’s stiff resistance, but often when it’s merely any resistance at all.
What has made us so weak? Why are we so ready to give up or give in all over again?
And why do we console ourselves with the phrase that I find represents the ultimate words of surrender:
It’s not meant to be…
Forget it. I knew it wouldn’t work out. I can’t do it. It’s just not meant to be.
Is anything meant to be if we don’t cause it to be? If we don’t attempt to replace the ‘What Is’ in our Lives with ‘What Could Be,’ nothing will ever change.
It’s profoundly at the Heart of why we feel lost, adrift, bored, or desperate. When forward momentum stalls for too long, that’s when the malaise sets in.
If we’re not Growing, we’re dying.
It’s a Core Truth of this Life, if not THE Core Truth.
But it isn’t too late for us… That’s the beauty of Life. It’s never too late to begin again…
But to grow? We must risk. We have to strive, learn, and extend our reach. We must push ourselves to improve. Expose ourselves to new ideas, new situations, and new people. Nourish ourselves in physical, mental, and spiritual ways…
Except, we don’t.
So we sleep. And we Dream. We Dream long and hard. But we do not wake…
Those Dreams… Those visions of how Life might be… We try to stuff them down far away from the surface and force them to sleep. However, submerged miles away from the light of day, they do not rest well… And neither do we.
While we might consider options to remedy our situation, it is not without significant doubt and apprehension. Every solution seems too hard, too risky, or too uncertain. We work through each scenario, turning them over in our minds until confusion and despair eventually prevail.
It’s no use. It won’t work. I can’t do it.
We work against ourselves. We challenge our ability, our commitment, and doubt our chances for Success. Every task seems too complicated, too fraught with risk.
Solutions seem to be minefields riddled with the prospect of absolute failure.
And the few ideas that manage to withstand our pessimistic review? Well, those thoughts are the ones that torture us the most.
I could try that, but what if it doesn’t work? It didn’t last time… I’m not sure I can do it.
And there, those notions remain. Trapped in our consciousness. Torturous and twisting. Our inner voice presenting endless arguments against their possible Success until we surrender.
Until we finally shut them out. Until we finally shut down.
And there we are. Immobilized; cut off from any potential options. Trapped in an anxious sea of uncertainty and indecision. Afraid to act. And afraid not to.
But why?
Why do we fear all other Possibilities for our Lives?
I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s just not meant to be…
We observe others who continue on. Those who fight to Grow. We follow with envy for their victories. Jealous of their celebrations. And perhaps a little satisfaction when they sometimes fall short…
Is it satisfaction, though? Or some twisted, dark validation…?
See, it can’t be done. It’s not going to work. It wasn’t meant to be…
And when others do succeed, we work hard to explain away their progress. It’s luck. It’s chance – a stroke of good fortune.
Or we credit their high-powered connections, their family pedigree, or their economic status for their Success. It has to be that. They have an edge I don’t have… An unfair advantage. I have nothing to offer.
But maybe they’re just better? Perhaps they’re just More than us.
Or possibly, we’re just Less. Imperfect. Flawed. Lacking.
Whatever. I’m fine. I don’t care. I can’t.
So much negativity. So much resistance. So much Doubt…
Just how deep is this well of uncertainty? And from what does it spring? What is at the Heart of Self-Doubt?
I’m. Not. Enough.
If I try again and fail… everyone will know. I’ll be exposed for the loser I am. I’ll simply confirm what I already suspect in my Heart. To my co-workers. To my family. To my friends. To the World. And to myself…
And there it is. Our Crippling Truth. Our Dirty Secret. Our Shameful Reality.
Our Bitter Struggle.
We don’t know what to do. And even if we did, we don’t believe we could.
I should have known. I did know. I already knew…
I’m. Not. Enough. I never was. I don’t have what it takes.
In these moments, it appears that every choice, every decision, every outcome we’ve created until now has been wrong. We see with remarkable clarity each misstep we’ve taken, but we’re blind to what we might be capable of doing to reverse our course. We’re bruised and deluded.
How did we find ourselves in such an empty, dark, desolate place? Unfulfilled, consumed with shame, choking on guilt, plagued by obstacles, drowning in doubt…
Self-Doubt.
I’ll speak for myself as to how we get here…
When I deny who I am. Who I want to be. Who I need to be. And what it is I really want to do with my Life.
It’s when I doubt myself, my ideas, my abilities, and my worth.
When I succumb to a thousand possibilities as to why I can’t, instead of standing firmly behind a single, solid reason why I can…
When I believe that I am Not Enough.
It’s a thought – it’s THE thought – that I have endured my entire Life. And one I believe the vast majority of us wrestle with, as well.
And when I listen to that doubt? When I consider what might be true? When I allow doubt to raise its head and speak to me like an authority? That’s where I go wrong.
It’s that simple.
Self-doubt is the fundamental flaw upon which our internal belief system rests. It is the genesis of our failure. It’s the rationale for why we fail to Take Action. It’s the root of our inability to Grow.
If we can’t believe in ourselves, how can we honestly believe in anything?
If we suspect we are Not Enough, how can we possibly Do Enough to overcome that suspicion?
We can’t. At least, not for long…
We try. We battle. We meet resistance.
And then the cracks appear…
Doubt nibbles. That cynical inner voice begins to whisper. And our resolve begins to waver and then collapse.
Self-Doubt is the destroyer of Dreams.
It’s why we fail to pursue our Dreams. It’s why we remain silent. It’s why we settle for what’s available. It’s why we don’t ask. It’s why we don’t lead. It’s why we don’t try. And if we do test ourselves and fall short, we never try again…
This is no way to live a Life. Why waste such a precious gift by letting the clock run out on everything we’d ever hoped to do? Or to try? Or to Be?
Until you cut this decay out of your Soul – every ounce, every black, wretched cell – it remains a hidden fissure that will open up again and again at the most critical moments in your Life. Sending You, your Hopes, your Dreams, your Ambition, your Potential, down into obscurity and devastation.
This is the Truth we tell ourselves, over and over again. Every idea. Every Desire. Every Dream. They are unattainable.
I can’t do it. Nothing will work. I don’t have what it takes…
We suspect this Truth. And we hate this Truth.
I’m. Not. Enough.
Except… It’s not the Truth. And it has never been the Truth.
Then what IS the Truth?
The fear of immediate failure weighs heavily on our minds. We can’t risk error. We can’t chance losing on an uncertain road to Success.
We are heavily conditioned to avoid exposing weakness. We must protect against the disgrace of defeat at all cost.
Lest we be humiliated. Or prove ourselves a fool. Or display our unworthiness. To be shamed for our failures.
Shame. That intense, repulsive, negative self-consciousness we associate with being unworthy of love.
Humiliation and shame are to be vigorously avoided at all costs. Rejection from the ones we love and care for most lies at the Heart of Being Human. Eons ago, without acceptance from our Tribe, one would find themself shunned; alone and unprotected from the natural world.
Now, to fumble or fail is to bare ourselves to both public ridicule and embarrassment. To be emotionally vulnerable; naked. It is the modern equivalent of facing banishment into the wild. A wilderness of neglect, exclusion, and isolation.
It’s easier not to try. It’s safer to merely Dream.
And so, we go to work to convince ourselves that what we really want isn’t worth it. That who we Could Be isn’t practical. We cast doubt on most of our learned skills and natural talents as insurance against ever attempting to risk our personal image by reaching for more. For Better.
We assure ourselves that we are not enough. I’m. Not. Enough.
The Truth?
You’ve always been enough. And the sooner you come to this Life-Changing realization, the sooner you can begin living the way you were meant to.
Finding that Life – Creating that Life – Living that Life is more than a Dream. It’s more than an Idea. It’s more than a Possibility…
It’s a process. It’s a Practice. It’s a never-ending pursuit. I t’s fueled by Purpose. It’s a Dream with a roadmap. It’s your Life’s work.
My Friends… Open your eyes. Grab a Flashlight… And a scalpel…
It’s Time.
It’s Time to shine the light of Reason and Understanding into that tired Soul of yours. It’s Time to cut the life-sucking tentacles of doubt from your Heart and set yourself free.
Free to Dream of Better.
Free to discover True Purpose.
Free to Plan.
And Free to Act.
It’s Time to reverse this self-inflicted paralysis of doubt. To move forward with Purpose. It’s Time to get on with Living. It’s Time to Grow.
The Time to Act is Right Now.
But where to begin…?
Let’s begin with a new, Positive approach, rather than the same tired, ineffective processes we’ve been led to believe are the only solutions.
Suppose we begin Practicing Positive immediately with an Appreciation for what is already good and working in our Daily Lives. In that case, we deny the participation of our negative Self right from the start.
In more familiar processes, we might set out to assess our weaknesses first. What’s broken? What doesn’t work? What’s getting in the way?
The dilemma here is that we quickly begin to focus on those weaknesses. Likely as soon as we start to list them…
We struggle to name 3 strengths over a brutal hour. And then, in twenty fleeting seconds, we can easily list off 45 crushing weaknesses…
As we tally up the deficits, we emphasize the obstacles. And that’s when we’ll hear the dark murmuring from deep within…
Man, look at this mess of a Life… I’m screwed. This is too much to deal with. Forget it. I’ll be fine. I just don’t care anymore.
We don’t face up. We cover-up. We give up.
Not a great start, My Friends…
Instead… Let’s focus on what’s good. What’s right. What works…
Let’s dwell on our Gifts. Let’s focus on our Accomplishments. Let’s start with Positive Affirmation and Appreciation.
These are our Talents. Our Core Strengths. These are our Victories. Our Assets…
These are the Best Qualities we possess already. This is our rock-solid Foundation.
This is us. And we are Enough.
What an empowering point from which to begin a journey… Familiar Strengths and actual Accomplishments. Gratitude for our precious Gifts. Recognition of our valuable Assets. Realizing these, we are far better prepared to begin new travels. To Grow once more…
Now when we Dream… Now when we consider what we might do… We have before us, at our fingertips, an understanding of the powerful tools and expertise we already possess. Instead of focusing on our deficiencies and how they might limit us, we can focus on the many Possibilities in our Lives and how they might be realized.
Now when we Dream, we can directly and powerfully connect what already IS with what COULD be… And that’s where Hope begins…
Hope is feeling like you might yet have a chance. Hope is the possibility that things could still work out somehow. And when we engage in pursuits that use skills and talents that we have at least some measure of trust in, we can hold Hope honestly.
When we see self-doubt for what it is, an ancient, irrational fear of abandonment, of unworthiness, it becomes possible to Move Forward.
When we can replace doubt and fear with Confidence and Courage, we can break through.
When we can Trust in our ability to learn, practice, and perfect our skills, we can Improve.
When we replace doubt and fear with Confidence and Courage, we can begin to Grow.
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Because… If we’re not Growing, we’re dying…
It’s Time to Grow.