No Soliciting

It's an interesting thing watching the little ones grow up. Even though @mrsbozz and I don't have any of our own, we have a handful of nieces and nephews that we treat as though they were. We devote our time and lives to them and at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about? Four of them are now adults, and it has been a pretty big transition for us.

It's not that they ever really called us for advice in the first place, but I'd like to think that maybe some of the bits of information we passed on to them either directly or indirectly actually landed.

With the two oldest girls (women now actually), there has been a definite shift. Sure, we can give them advice or ideas, but at the end of the day, they are adults and ultimately, they are free to make their own decisions. This has been compounded by the fact that our oldest niece now has a daughter of her own. It's crazy to think that not only is she an adult now, but she is also a mom. An amazing mom I might add.

I don't envy her parents as they are all currently living under the same roof trying their best to raise the little one cooperatively. I make it sound worse than it is, they are actually an amazing family unit. However, I know there are times when my brother in law and sister in law feel that things should be done a certain way. They quickly realize they can give advice, but they can't push too hard because as I said, their daughter is an adult and she has the right to make her own choices.

This is obviously a very specific example of someone giving advice. I think there are plenty of cases like this where you give someone advice, they don't listen to it, but you still find yourself caring about the situation.

I think a lot of it has to do with whether or not the advice is solicited or not. It's pretty easy to give unsolicited advice and then watch the consequences unfold however that may happen. It's quite another when someone asks your opinion and then blatantly ignores it.

Worse yet, how many times have you dealt with someone who was in a difficult situation. They complain about it to you, so you offer suggestions on how they can fix it. Instead of taking the suggestions, they simply continue to complain about the situation (over days, weeks, months).

I realized the other day I find it a lot harder to care about someone's predicament when I tell them what they should do and then they don't do it. Trust me, I realize how that sounds. I know some of you are going to point out the fact that their complaining wasn't necessarily asking me to fix it. It's a guy thing. Throughout time we have been wired to think it's our job to fix things. Argue with it all you want, but you are fighting against centuries of hereditary instinct.

That being said, there are times when it is implied that whoever does want you to fix the problem and I think we can all agree how frustrating it is when they don't do what you think they should.

@mrsbozz is a perfect example. She was having an issue at work a short time ago. I told her she needed to document what was happening and send it to our supervisor because how could they address it if they didn't know about it.

Of course I gave her other less reasonable advice as well, but by about the third week of her complaining about it and her still not sending an email with documentation higher up the chain, I found myself caring just a bit less. Which if you know me is hard for me, because I am a pretty empathetic person. Yes, there are some things I just don't care about (like most small talk), but if you are close to me, I care deeply.

So it hurts a bit when you really want to see the best for someone, but they continue to ignore your advice (solicited or not).

Have you been in a situation like this? How did you handle it? Which side of the fence do you sit on? Do you think it's a step too far trying to fix the problem or do you think sometimes people just like to complain to complain?

Maybe a little of both? I look forward to seeing your thoughts in the comments!