You cannot give something you do not have. Just like love, how can you share love when you can not even love yourself.
For this week's LOH prompt #121, I would like to share my thoughts on this question that goes...
How do you know when you are in love? What are the signs?
When we hear the word love, the first thing that comes to mind is love towards the other person. True enough, we feel that deep affection towards people like our other half, our family and friends. And there are certain labels to these kinds of love. But there is also that one kind of love that you alone can only provide for yourself and that ias called self love of loving yourself.
I used to be insecure with myself.
Growing up,insecurity had made itself known. I always felt like I was not lovable enough. When those girls have suitors lined up to win their hearts, I was left on the corner wondering why I can't even have one to like me.
I wished, I had the pretty face of the most popular girl in school. I wished, I had that warm personality of the bestfriend of my crush 馃槅. I wished I had the talent of a friend, the sexy body of our Miss Sportsfest or the intelligence and the speaking ability of my classmate who was very confident to speak in front of people. Those were the qualities I was lacking. Back then I was a shy, reserved and quiet person who cannot even made the first move to start a conversation with a stranger. I just couldn't see myself lovable enough to others coz I couldn't even love myself. I always wished I was somebody else.
When I started having relationships,
I was clingy and easily get jealous with others which caused the relationship to become toxic. The validation I looked for that I am beautiful too was from other people liking me.
After I graduated, while I was "tambay" or jobless, I started to work on my physique. Back then I was super skiny that I looked sick. It is one of the reason I had low self confidence. My goal was to gain weight until my bones won't protude. After months of eating hard, I was able to gain weight and and I felt a little confident.
That was my ahah moment. I realized I can work on improving myself rather than wishing for being somebody else.
I convinced my self that I am beautiful too, that I am lovable too. And though I do not have those qualities and talents others have, I could work on my strengths. I focused on what I have rather than what I do not have.
I may not have the sexiest body but I worked hard to be healthy. They said it's hard to reduce weight but on my part, gaining weight is just as hard.
I may not have a specific talent but I can be a jack of all trades. Learning a little of something about many things is not so bad.
I may not be the warmest person but I build my friendships and other relationships on the ground of trust, loyalty and commitment. I build lasting relationships.
How did I know that I am in love?
I knew I was really in love when I love my self first because when I did, loving others became less complicated. Loving other doesn't become a trap to compensate my lack of self love but rather, it become like a cherry on top of the ice cream that even if you take it away, it's still good because you know you are good enough.
So I leave this excerpt from ~ Lady Gaga"s song titled Born This Way to remind everyone that we are beautiful and lovable in our own way.
I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself, and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way (born this way)