When I was a little kid I always thought drugs were dangerous and that it would kill me just to try them. There is one moment in my life which completely changed that for me. I can remember it as if it was yesterday..
Me and my best friend John had been invited to a party when we were 14 and thought that people were just drinking, even though we knew one of them were doing drugs with his crew. I've always concidered myself to be a good person, but at that time I had just started trying out alcohol and decided that the good person image could be away for a little while when I experimented with my best friend. We had been doing crazy and stupid things since we were in primary school, and when we started junior high things sort of took a turn for the worse in my mind.
The party was my first party ever because my parents has always been very strict and against drinking and drugs. Obviously kids with strict parents occasionally do more weird and fucked up shit than kids without strict parents. Half of the people at the party came from families with a very strict policy against taking any substances, but they had been successfully hiding the partying from their parents for a long period of time. There was a lot of noise coming out of the windows of the house. It wouldn't be a problem since it was placed very nicely in the middle of a big forest area with only old cabins around. When me and John walked through the front door everyone stopped talking for a minute while trying to figure out who invited us. Ofcourse.. We couldn't see the guy who invited us, but I played cool and just said "yo, Chris told us to join his party tonight". One of the guys looked me up and down and finally broke the silence by welcoming us inside and telling us that Chris had to go home because he drank to much. Still trying to be cool I was like, "pfft, Chris is a pussy anyways, he can't handle his liquor". That comment made me and John more welcome it seemed. John was clearly nervous like myself.. We sat down between a group of girls and tried to seem cool by taking big sips of beer, but to our suprise they weren't impressed. Two schoolboys crashing a party with only people over 18. Who would believe us at school? I was in my own bubble for a long time until John nudged me and hinted for me to look towards the drug guy. He was calmly rolling up a joint. I froze and just sat there watching him do his magic. The guy who welcomed us in the door, Samuel, looked at me and could see that I started to sweat. "Are you cool with weed?", he asked me. "Yeah, ofcourse" I stuttered. John told them that we smoke sometimes too. They suddenly got interested in what kind of weed we were smoking. We said we didn't know and that we got it for free of one of our friends at school. They got the we know you're lying look and didn't ask any more questions.
Samuel asked the guy rolling the joint (Mark) if he had more stuff with him. He stopped rolling and looked up with a really weird grin on his face. "I've got some X and MDMA", he said. "You guys wanna try it?", Samuel asked us. In my head I had a really intense debate about whether we should accept it or not, but I was brutally interrupted by John accepting for the both of us. "Great! I'll make som lines for us", Samuel said. He grabbed the bag which the guy with the drugs had brought. He pulled out a small plastic zip bag with some crystals in it, poured them on the glass table and started crushing them with his credit card. The girls got very giggly. Ruby, one of the girls, took out a bank note and started rolling it so that we could snort the crushed crystals. I hadn't realized that we only were 8 people left at the party. My heart started beating faster and I started to sweat in my palms. The bank note got passed over to John, and he got himself closer to the table to snort up the crystals. He kind of knew what to do as we both had seen gangster movies in which they'd snort cocaine or some other powder. He'd also watched the other people around the table do it. The rolled bank note found its way to the table while stuck up in his nose. Quickly the powder shot up the bank note like a vacuum cleaner sucking up sand. John pulled his head up and away from the table and gave me the note while holding his nose and pulling his face together like a fucked up grimace. Everything got very quiet. Like if the people around the table was holding their breath waiting for me to do my line. And I did it. As quick as John. I got a little burn in my nose after snorting the crystals. It felt good.
After a few minutes Samuel started to give out some pink pills. It was obvious that this was the X they were talking about. At first I said that I dodn't want one so soon after the line of MDMA, but they told me it would only give me a better high. Like everyone else I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of all the cool kids, so I accepted and got two pills which I shared with John. I could feel the effects kicking in from the MDMA just before I was about to swallow the pill. My heart started beating even faster than before and I could clearly feel that my body got very warm. The sweat started to tickle my back when I leaned back to find the back of the chair. The feeling of euphoria hit me like a runaway train.
Mark fired up the joint and started passing it around. Heidi, one of the girls who were still at the party, took a big hit while she smiled at me. To be honest I found her very attractive. She got up and sat down on my lap while I tok a hit of the joint. Before I could exhale she kissed me breathing in the smoke from my mouth. She got back to her chair again and gave me a wink. I could feel the drugs giving me a lot of good vibes from everyone and everything in the room. My world was spinning and I lost control over my body. The joint had made no differense for me what so ever, but the X and MDMA controlled everything. My eyes were flicking uncontrollably and I lost my ability to read messages on my phone. It scared me, but I didn't want to seem like an afraid little kid. Heidi got up and asked me to follow her to the next room. The bedroom. We were laying in bed just cuddling softly with one another, and it was probably the best feeling I ever had. The drugs made me feel more alive than ever before and I sweared to myself that I would do this again if I ever got the chance. She started to pull my clothes and I did the same with her. It couldn't been better. I was about to kiss her, but before I got the chance she put her hand in her pocket and took out two of the same pills we had taken earlier. She put both inside my mouth and I struggled to swallow them as they were dry and I had nothing to drink. After a few seconds I had swallowed them. She started talking very funny and we had a deep conversation about life instead of doing more intimate things. I actually enjoyed that even more than touching her. I felt parts of my body I never noticed before. Everything was perfect.
She was telling me about one time when she got busted by her brother. She was smoking a joint with her friend Sophia when Heidi thought she was home alone. He had been in is room the entire day and just played videogames. Angry is probably a great understatement when thinking about his reaction. He was fuming! Heidi started crying and begged him not to tell their parents. "It would ruin my life completely", she wimped as she kept on crying. "I'm never going to do it ever again!". "Biggest lie ever", I thought while she kept on telling. Her brother said he wouldn't tell their parents as long as she tells him when she is going to smoke so that he could be alert if there would happen anything to her. That's the reaction every older sibling should have when finding out that their younger sibling is doing drugs. Too many families gets destroyed relationship-wise because of simple things like smoking a joint once in a while. She continued with making fun of the stupid debate about drugs vs. alcohol. I didn't agree with her at the time that drugs aren't always as bad as alcohol, but what she said made me think over it often afterwards. Weed is a much better way to relax than to drink yourself to sleep. The damages to your body are basically non-existant when smoking weed, compared to alcohol which destroys your liver. The conversation was starting to get interesting. She was actually being reasonable in her arguments. Then everything got interrupted by my phone which had started to ring. It was my mother. "I thought you said you'd be home an hour ago.. are you still playing videogames with John?", she asked. I shot up from the bed like a firework without saying goodbye to Heidi and I quickly felt that I didn't have complete control of my body anymore. I managed to tell John I was leaving when rushing out the door. He followed me out and we got a friend to drive us home.
The morning after was terrible. I had regrets about yesterday and felt like the world could just swallow me up whole and I wouldn't care one bit. The craving for more was still there though. I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. I phoned John and and asked him about how he felt. He felt the same. We promised that we'd never do it again just because of the hangover. But as many others, we couldn't keep our promise. Still the feeling comes back to me even without drugs. The good moments, laughter and good friends. Memories for life.
