Please read the rules carefully and good luck in the coming round. The beginning of each round will be announced in a separate post.

Contestants must nominate 2 people to enter the contest per submission.
1 tag must be "comedyopenmic".
Include "Comedy Open Mic Round # [put the number of each round here]" in the title.
Self voting allowed up to $0.50 in value (To even out the playing field for little guys)
Bot upvotes are not allowed. (If you use bots to upvote your own post, you will not be considered for a prize)
Limit of 2 entries only per account. (only 1 entry will be considered for a prize)
Original material Only. Entries that are not the original work of the poster as least in some form will be disregarded. If you are unsure if your entry is original, please ask us we will happily let you know.
Resteem the rules and contest start.
Entry via a new post only (no recycled posts).
Please go through and upvote 3-5 other contestants to show encouragement (even 1% will be greatly appreciated)
Entries should be in english, it will be difficult for me to laugh if the judges cannot understand them. (Thoroughly encourage translation of non-english entries)
Patience will be required as the process is all manual.

I nominate @reonlouw and @jaichai.

Irishisms

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I have been on Steemit since July and I am throughly enjoying my time here. As I said before to many of you. I write how I speak. I have a couple of Irish followers on here so they know what I am on about most of the time but alot of people especially those from the states and Asia think I am speaking a different language. Most of my comments are asking for an explanation what something means so I finally decided to put all the Irishisms into one simple go to bible. If you ever come and visit me in Ireland you will hit the ground running as you will know what we are all saying while you are there. We will start off with the most popular one.

Craic:
Sentence:
He is some craic
We had some craic last night
He's boring but after a couple of drinks he's a bit of craic.

To the foreigner craic is pronounced the same a crack. It basically means laugh or fun. Take the second sentence. Anybody would think we were drug addicts but that is not the case. Craic is used commonly by everyone in Ireland. We love having the craic.

me aul flower
Sentence:
Deirdy me aul flower. I didn't see a post from you in a while

Me aul flower means my old friend. It does not mean that you are a withered old pansy in need of watering. It is a friendly saying meaning the both of you have a friendly history.

She is sound out
Sentence:
Did you meet Flood's friend Bungalow? He is souuunnnnndddd out.

Sound in Ireland means a really nice person and easy to get on with.

Be ta Jaysus
Sentence:
Steemit was 8 quid at one stage. Be ta Jaysus

Jaysus is the Irish word for Jesus so technically we do not take his name in vain. If you put be ta in front of it , it expresses surprise. Jaysus is used mostly in Dublin. Here's a great example of Jaysssuusss in action.

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Bollocks

Sentence:
Fuck off ya bollocks.
I am in me bollocks.
You're only a bollocks.

You heard this saying in the video as well. Bollocks is used in many different ways in Ireland. It basically means testicles. The first sentence is self explanatory as is the third. The second sentence means that one is not going to do something.
Are you going to Ann's party tonight?
I am in me bollocks!, Ann is a dope.
You shall not be attending Ann's party as you do not think highly of Ann.

Arse
Sentence:
I am in me arse

Used exactly the same way as I am in me bollocks. Arse is the Irish for ass, bum or arsch in some languages. The sentence I am in me hole means the same thing also. Hole(s) meaning anus or ani(plural).

Fecking eejet
Sentence:
He's some fecking eejet after that
Feck
Feck it

A polite Irish way of saying the word Fuck. Eejet is just the irish less pretentious way of saying idiot

Gobshite
Sentence:
He is some gobshite

Gobshite is a person that is you don't like. Say if someone skipped you in the queue you would call him a gobshite.

Stop the Lights
Sentence:
Mary got a boob joob
Stop the lights

Stop the lights expresses surprise. Lots of countries use You are kidding. We use this phrase.

Ride
Sentence:
He's some ride
She's some ride
Would ya like a ride?
They were riding away upstairs until his banjo string broke and there was blood everywhere and we had to call an ambulance.

A ride means many things yet again in the emerald isle. The first two here mean that the person is good looking. Good looking enough to want to have sexual intercourse with.
The third bullet point is a person asking if they would like to have sexual relations.
The last one is an accident that happened to the male uncircumsized penis during sexual relations that causes extreme pain and uncomfort.

Langers
Sentence:
He was fair langers last night

This sentence means that he was very drunk last night. There are a few more words to explain drunkeness here in Eire also. They are :
Rat Arsed
Gee Eyed
Full to the Neck
Full to the Gills
Fucked
Steeming(no not online)
in the horrors
banjaxed

So there we have it. A starter guide to reading my posts from now on yee fecking gobshites! Writing is the least of our worries.

videosource