I used to think that being a writer was all about expressing myself with words. Not only that, but ideally, I believed that readers would always understand what I was trying to communicate, regardless of how the words were strung together. In my early days of writing on the Web2 platform, I received a lot of criticism regarding my poor use of punctuation. Back then, I greatly underestimated the importance of punctuation in conveying clarity and comprehension. However, upon critically reviewing my writing, I began to appreciate punctuation and realised how beneficial they are.
The thing is, we all have different levels of understanding and thought processes, such that something might make perfect sense in our minds. But when relating it to others, comprehension might be a problem because people are not mind readers, and if we are not explicit enough in conveying our thoughts, people might misunderstand us.
Recognising the differences in our levels of understanding has since been my guiding principle whenever I'm communicating. I try to establish an equal level playing field, a common ground where every party involved can tune to my level of understanding. It could be writing, it could equally be giving a speech, a conversation with friends or settling a dispute with loved ones.
I once had this love interest who, if we ever had an argument and the tension started to build, he would tell me he was taking a time out to cool off. I also use the opportunity to reflect on the dispute, and sometimes when he cools off and texts back, he always sees to it that we discuss and deliberate on the issue.
In the early years of that relationship, I'd let my anger linger, and when he tried to talk, I would still be passive-aggressive, and then he'd say, "You do realise we are communicating with no level of understanding?" I don't know how he does it, but that always calms me down. It makes me always reflect on my words and be sure that I'm not just talking to prove a point but to establish some level of understanding with my partner.
I had a friend who, whenever we were conflicted, would rather us talk on the phone via a call to settle our dispute. According to him, texts always send the wrong signals, such that he might not be angry texting, but I'd misinterpret his tone, and we will never reach a level of understanding, and vice versa. From my experiences, I soon became knowledgeable that it's not enough to just pass a message, but also the method used, as well as the choice of words, matters.
I have since learned to read the literal meaning of words. I have also learned to read between the lines, and I'm sure to choose my words carefully when communicating. People say I overdo things and overreact in certain situations, but that's just me trying to put myself in people's situations such that when I'm communicating with them, it feels like I'm talking to myself, I pay attention to their body signals, facial expressions and if text, the choice of words. At all times, I strive to be on the same level of reasoning as the other person or people to react appropriately.
More so, my communication skills are greatly dependent on my target audience. When communicating with foreigners, I use the generally accepted vocabulary or wordings, and when communicating with locals, I get more comfortable being diverse in our local vocabulary because what's the need to express yourself if the other person is oblivious to the message?
