This transcript appears originally in my book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.
The Rauschmonstrum appeared on the Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien to promote his book ‘Photographs With Famous People.’
Conan: There’s no other way to put this than by saying our next guest is a massive ham.
[The audience laughs]
Conan: He’s released many books, most of which I think he puts out just to gloat about all the interesting things he’s done. His newest one is caused Photographs With Famous People which is a collection of well… photos of him with famous people. Please welcome the Rauschmonstrum!
[The Rauschmonstrum comes out and floats over the guest couch]
Conan: Wow, welcome. This is a massive thrill for me and I’ll tell you why.
RM: Do tell.
Conan: You gave the commencement address when I graduated from Harvard.
RM: That was your class?
Conan: Yes, I remember we were all mesmerized by you. I think if all the living presidents at that point in time had been there giving that commencement address together instead of you, it still wouldn’t have been as thrilling as yours was.
RM: Well I’ve met all the living presidents, Trust me, they aren’t much competition.
[Laughter from the audience]
Conan: I believe in a situation like yours, all you need to do is say you want to talk to the president and they go “whatever you want, you’re the Rauschmonstrum.”
RM: It doesn’t go exactly like that, but I do tend to meet with presidents, yes.
Conan: Who was the first President that you met?
RM: Well let’s see…I saw John Quincy Adams bathing naked in a river once.
[There’s laughter from the audience as Conan gives an odd look]
Conan: You watched President John Quincy Adams taking a bath?
RM: Afraid so.
Conan: But that’s not the same thing as meeting him. Well…for some of the less savory members in our audience maybe it is, but who was the first president you actually talked to?
RM: FDR in his later years.
Conan: Right.
RM: The first one I was friendly with was Harry Truman though.
Conan: And what kind of guy was he?
RM: Nice fella. He drank a lot though.
Conan: Of course he did. We’ve actually got this photograph here.
[Conan holds up a photograph of Rauschmonstrum floating in the oval office above some presidents, who stand side by side]
Conan: Care to tell me who you’re with here?
RM: That’s shortly after the inauguration of President Obama. There I am with him, President Gingrich, President Brown, President Dole, and President Mailer in what was actually the last photograph of him taken before his death.
Conan: Oh wow, I didn’t know that. I had President Mailer on a couple of times over the years; endlessly entertaining guy.
RM: Yes he was.
[Conan takes out another photograph]
Conan: And what about this photo?
RM: That’s me on a golf course with the two Presidents Kennedy during a round of golf. This would have been in ’73 when John had been out of office for about ten years and Bobby still had to wait around for his turn in office.
Conan: It always makes me sad that JFK died right before his brother won the presidency. He never got to see it.
RM: Yes, three days before the ’76 election. It was a real shame. Addison’s Disease is terrible.
Conan: And who else have you known? You knew the Rat Pack, didn’t you?
RM: Yes, I knew Frank, Dean, and Sammy really well. Great guys.
Conan: And I didn’t know this until recently, but you knew the Beatles.
RM: Yes, I did.
[There is a cheer from the audience. Conan holds up a picture of the Rauschmonstrum with the Beatles]
Conan: Here you are with them in studio.
RM: It was always great fun to visit them when they were recording. In fact, I played an interesting role in their history.
Conan: Do tell.
RM: I’m sure McCartney will back this up, but shortly after they released their Revolver album I had been telling them a story about a British military man I had known in Germany shortly after the war who was named Sgt. Pepper.
[Conan gives a frazzled look as the crowd cheers]
RM: Next thing I know, a few months later I’m back in the studio at Abbey Road, and they’re singing a song about the guy.
Conan: Wow, that is some story.
RM: It was a horror when John was killed. Very sad.
Conan: It stunned me. I was down and out for months after it happened. On a similar point, as someone who’s immortal, it must be very difficult for you to outlive everyone you’ll ever know.
RM: Yes, it’s…it’s certainly been a lot harder since I became a public figure and started developing a lot of friendships. As you know, I can do most anything, but I can’t keep people alive forever. That powerlessness can cause disastrous feelings within myself.
[The audience gives a sad ‘awwwwww.’ There is a pause]
Conan: Well on that note…
[The audience laughs]
Conan: Am I hearing correctly you’ve written a screenplay for another movie?
RM: Yes, but I prefer not to speak about it as this time. It’s in pre-production.
Conan: Well, whatever it is, I look forward to it. Man was Jesus & Mea great movie. I saw it ten times. How about you folks?
[The crowd applauds]
RM: Thank you. The Jesus & Me movie is something I’m very proud of. The Best Picture Oscar statue I have for it is one of my proudest possessions.
Conan: Mr. Rausch it’s been an honor to see you. I’m sure the book will be a success, it’s called Photographs with Famous People, it’s in bookstores everywhere. We’ll be right back.
[The audience cheers]
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