So it's about 11 pm and I'm alone with my thoughts, thoughts of violent acts that I intend to subject the rat bastard. My first attempt was crude and proved to be largely unsuccessful. The rat didn't take the bait and turned out to make me look like a complete idiot. I suspect it received some inside information from my girlfriend or the roaches but that's a story for another day. Today, I've come stronger and more equipped.
Equipment List
Rat Gum
This is perhaps the most telling difference between my attempt of yesterday and today. This baby will catch the rat bastard in a sticky situation and I don't mean your side chick getting pregnant. I got it for just about $1 (350 naira).
Quality Research
To kill a rat, you have to think like a rat, so this meant doing some quality research to find out what the bastards like. After carefully studying, I feel ready to kill the rat bastards
a rat is a rat
Weapon of Rat Destruction
The final piece of the equation is the weapon of choice. This weapon has proven to be sufficient for many rat conquests according to research and will be employed for this purpose.
I got this shoe sometime last year on one thrifting expedition. It's actually a knock off Nike AIR, conspicuously named Nike AIP. It served its purpose as a shoe, tonight it will serve a higher purpose.
The Setup
I thought rats were stupid but apparently, I was wrong. This is my first real rodeo with a Hitler type rat so I'm going all out.
- Step 1: Rat walks towards the gum that has some unpoisoned rice
- Step 2: Rat tries to eat rice
- Step 3: Rat bastard is stuck in gum
- Step 4: Rat bastard gets a taste of fake Nike
- Step 5: Torture Rat bastard until it gives me location of other rats
That's the plan for tonight. If this plan fails, it simply means someone on steemit is giving the rat bastard inside information. If you're the one, know that I will find you and I will shit on your charger
I'll tell you how it goes.