Time keeps ticking on. Slowly now. I try to speed it up, but it doesn’t work. There’s nothing left I can do. Just wait. And wait. I filed all the paperwork. The court has 10 days to respond. Working days, of course. Means that I should have a response by Friday. And then there will be weekend. Nothing ever goes fast here.
Today I was able to cry a little. It’s not the pain that I used to feel when it happened the first time. It has changed now. Back then, it was mostly about the injustice, the impotence. It was more about me back then. Now it’s more about her. Missing her. Knowing that she misses me. Knowing that everything that’s happening will leave a mark on her, will cause her problems. Hoping that for miraculous reasons it won’t. That no matter what way I choose there will be negative impact on her, and that I have to choose the least bad.
I keep my mind of things through work. And running errands. Tomorrow I’ll head to Quito to get my passport renewed. After that, I’ll have to do a transfer of visa and all that stuff. I already got all the permits for the bakery, so that’s done. Making some videos for social media platforms to promote our bread and products. Make experiments, like the pictures above show. Work is better than Whiskey.
It doesn’t always work. I do my meditations and such, but yesterday, when falling asleep, I had a curious type of what I think was an anxiety attack. Every time I drifted away into sleeping, I suddenly felt like I wasn’t breathing, and woke up with a deep breath and the heart pumping accordingly. I tried to calm myself down again, do the heartmath technique, but it happened all over again. Took quite a while to overcome it.
I have to get up at 4.15am tomorrow, catch the bus at 5am. So I better go to bed now. I wish you a good night!
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