I believe that crutches, whatever form they may take, can help us to walk tall, each in our own way. As long as you are growing towards the person you want to be, then crutches and distractions are fine by me.
When I started hearing the inaudible voice of intuition telling me to slow down in my teen years, I outright ignored it.
I was dancing, flipping and running my way through adolescence, with no signs of slowing down.
The murmuring warnings to ‘chill out’ continued throughout college, yet I pushed on with life-as-usual. Turns out, I prefer to be much more introverted than I had realized. I was strung out on stimuli after 17 years of forced socialization and I was buzzing with nervous energy and well on my way to burn-out by the age of 20.
Leaning heavily on my own preferred crutches of distraction, my anxieties grew, especially when I told myself it was good for me to go out and meet people. Yet as I forced myself to ‘go out’ and ‘be normal,’ my body and mind were repeatedly asking me to be still and rest.
All the crippling anxiety I felt in crowds and the various, mysterious injuries I endured in those years was a tell-tale sign that I was going against the ease and joy that life can be.
The message to slow down did eventually reach me, after many failed attempts at getting my attention and I was forced to halt.
A debilitating sciatic nerve injury essentially reset my life and I had to re- learn how to walk, laugh, jump and be in the world once more, with the failing body of a 24 year old.
It is clear to me now that I waited too long to heed my own inner knowing. My lessons had to scream at me before I would make the changes I needed to make to become the best version of me I could be.
If I could go back and be kinder to my 17-year old self who pushed herself too hard, I would, but I can’t.
You can never know how much time it will take before you will be strong enough to cast off your own crutches. As you regain your strength and heal old wounds, your crutches can provide some much needed comfort. But the ultimate goal is to use them as a tool for fortification, not as a means of getting around.
When your crutches turn to habits, they become weapons of self-destruction.
Choose to see your crutches, cravings and compulsions for what they are: helpful tools you can use to temporarily bolster your strength as you walk yourself back to Wellness.
Photo "Cassie In Paris": Cassandra Costa
