Pleasantly shocked

I wasn't even looking and had no intention of finding myself tangled up in a relationship; it wasn't as if I needed a man in my life to make it feel complete or valid. I was happy by myself, content with my own company and being reliant on no one but myself. I wasn't actively holding people at arms length, a relationship simply was not on my radar.

Thinking back on that now makes me smile at my naivety, especially considering that from where I sit typing this I can see a man who makes me so happy, who holds me so captive and yet makes me feel so free and easy, so loved, protected and valued. Life has a way of happening whether we want it to or not.

I remember not having him, but I cannot conceive of being without him now he's in my life.

I thought I knew myself so well but it turns out I didn't know who I could be, how my life could grow and blossom into the beautiful thing it is now, with a man like that man in my life and it wasn't until he was in it that I realised how much I wanted him.

That thought shocked me then, but now it makes me smile, and that man makes my life a joy, a pleasure and something more complete than it could ever be without him.

Sometimes it still shocks me, how happy he makes me. It's also shocking at how annoying and infuriating he can be, how angry he can make me and how amazingly perfect he remains. I know nothing and no one is perfect but I think I'm very lucky to have someone who feels perfectly suited to me and when he makes me angry it's ok, I know how to deal with it.

I wrote this for the #weekendengagement topic: What has shocked you about someone you know well and why?

The person I knew well but who shocked me was myself and partly that guy of mine because I never thought I'd feel the way I do about someone.