I've been having spurts of motivation to post here on Hive but they are usually followed by an annoying bout of procrastination. There's something a little daunting every time I get a little inspired to log in and I think a positive exercise could be to just get on and start typing rather than aim for what initially inspired me. Another exercise I could try ( but I'm very apprehensive about following through on ) is posting every day for a month or so, just to get me back into the habit if that might help me to overcome whatever keeps blocking me. A part of me thinks it's just the habit of giving up.
I can't say for sure what it is, but whenever I do post I tell myself well that wasn't so bad and think I'll post again in a week or less because it doesn't take a lot of time like I always expect it to, but before I know it a week has gone by and then a month and I start to wonder if my Keychain password will work or what hoops I'll have to jump through to learn what's changed in order to feel like there's a chance of connecting with an audience slash community here. That's despite it being my own failure to engage effectively with those who kindly respond to me. I find myself logging into discord first to see if that helps alleviate my concerns, maybe because I'm more likely to succeed in actually talking to somebody. It's like a quick hit of what I'm looking for, but not the real deal that feels like it costs more and may or may not pay off.
Even after logging in and before getting to the "rewards" be they financial or social interaction, I'm a little anxious about finding an image to use as a thumbnail for this so that it might be noticeable and then figuring out what tags I should use. I'm not entirely sure anymore what the best way to use tags is now, or if they're really relevant in comparison to communities etc. I'll probably think of a thumbnail idea as I'm writing this and just produce one quick and easy using an AI tool, assuming that's acceptable by the community - another noodle within the stir-fry of what I ought to know to participate.
All this anxiousness makes me wonder further if I'm alone with this experience or how many others there are who fear the frustration of not finding it easy and give up on returning. And then what does that mean for the time and money I invest. The inspiration that got me here this time ( before I got hit by the usual bout of procrastination ) was actually the idea of interviewing a few people outside the platform to get their thoughts on what it's like to get signed up on the platform. How we do that seems to change every time I look again too and I have to wonder, is it normal for this to trigger such anxiety or is this just an ADHD thing I personally struggle with.
My life's changed abundantly since the days I frequented the STEEM chain and with 2 babies blossoming before me I often ponder about what I can gift them and their minds as they grow. I strongly believe their generation is going to take on blockchain like a storm and I plan on seeding what I see as the vision and benefits. I want to provide the tools for them to learn & excel but I expect before I know it they'll be teaching me instead of the other way around, and although that thrills me because it's what they are born to do (better me), I also want to be knowledgeable enough that they are propelled even further with my help. I just feel stunted though every time I think about reconnecting for a moment (by posting on HIVE).
Even talking to somebody from here (through discord or chat) makes me a little nervous because I know that every time I do, I learn that there is more to learn and while there was a time that filled me with passion, now I'm filled with regret because it's as if I can't catch up or I would have to immerse myself again in order to do so and I don't feel that I have the time to do that. If I don't have time to do it now, the thoughts of catching up later instead give me fear of missing out.
I started this exercise with the intention of simply writing without questioning quality or inspiration or other goals, so rather than finish up with a summary or conclusion I'm going to leave it at that. I do have a couple other things in mind to post about and considered introducing the ideas, but if it's meant to be I'll be back with them soon. Now for the tagging challenge... Do I look for similar posts to figure out what tags are used... or popular? Or just post and rely on those of you who follow me and I am ever so grateful stuck around or returned. I've missed you yet I struggle to engage with you and I'm sorry about that too.
Much love to you all,
Your old friend & steem veteran, beanzy ❤
